I was thinking dating = boyfriend
See, I'm not hearing that you're ready for that, even if it's what you want. You might need a couple of times around the rink with your hands on the railing. And it's not like you'd have to
say
no sex. Go on a date or two with a couple guys and just see some new people. Don't love them, then leave them.
After I did that with OK Cupid, I was pretty damned clear it wasn't important enough--and, hey, if that's what you learn, that's what you learn. But maybe you'll learn something more useful. I hope so.
But Zen, you're talking like you're committed to people. I'm totally not assuming that. I'm assuming tentative get-to know you assignations where only the booty-calliest of people would be expecting sex. You can see a guy three or four times and not feel pressured to put out--if they are pressuring you even slightly at that point, they're assholes. And for the first few dates it's all up to you how many different people you want to be seeing at once too--how many spoons you got?
If there's a guy who will put up with me through the no-sex no-boyfriend dating, it seems mean to treat him like the training wheels and drop him for another guy, or keep him friend-zoned while I go off to do with someone else what I wouldn't do with him.
That's absolutely not what I mean. No one is your boyfriend after four dates. There's no special guy putting up with your issues at this point. Put yourself out there for a couple months, and then take yourself off the market. Reassess. What have you learnt? How do you feel? Better? Worse? Closer? Further away? That's all I'm saying. You don't owe anyone sex, or a relationship, or another date.
something similar happened to me when I moved here (to Virginia PNW). New Jersey NC was so toxic for me; I was so unhappy there, that when I moved to a place better suited to me, I was giddily happy for a few months. It was as if I'd been carrying a heavy weight for a long time, and when I took it off, I felt so much lighter in comparison. But it normalized.
I'm in this club, too. But I'm working on it.
See, I'm not hearing that you're ready for that, even if it's what you want.
Oh, I agree.
You might need a couple of times around the rink with your hands on the railing. And it's not like you'd have to say no sex. Go on a date or two with a couple guys and just see some new people. Don't love them, then leave them.
I need the instruction manual.
eta
Okay, what you just wrote is something of an instruction manual. I'll try it. Four dates, no one expects sex unless they're an asshole, I'm not committed. I have a few spoons available for this, I think.
Buffista Therapy Room: come in with the pieces of your psyche in your hand, leave with them glued together in new, unexpected, but surprisingly pleasing configurations.
edit: Possibly with added pinwheels and sparklers for effect.
eta Okay, what you just wrote is something of an instruction manual. I'll try it. Four dates, no one expects sex unless they're an asshole, I'm not committed. I have a few spoons available for this, I think.
Yes. You are a gem, and any guy worth having sex with will wait until you're ready.
t points and nods at Vortex being wise
The guy replied with a "Wink". Okay, that's nice, still interested! but I need a verbal response, man. Use your words.
You are a gem, and any guy worth having sex with will wait until you're ready.
I'll write this down. Maybe I'll remember.
eta
And Beverly, I'm still halfway thinking I should move to the PNW. I love it so. But my sister is here and I can't leave her all alone.
I need to go to bed.
Bring her with, Zen! PNW loves you too!
I'll write this down. Maybe I'll remember.
maybe make it your tag line in here. So everytime you make a post, you will be reminded how awesome you are, and that you are totally worth it.
So tonight, my upstairs neighbor was walking his dog outside my door. Invited him in. We were chatting. His wife came down. We were chatting. Got lots of dirt on the previous owner of this place. Apparently she made their life a living hell (as in "i can hear you, I am calling the cops, you are making too much noise"). At one point, the wife went up to get something, and he was like "Wait, we can't hear her walking around" Nope. "But that c_ _ _ _ would pound on the ceiling with every step we took" He was very relieved that I'm not pounding on the ceiling. Apparently they were on eggshells. Crazy. Sad part. Her job is relocating them to Atlanta, and they will have to short sale their condo. And they are leaving in a few weeks. Oh. And then we went up to their place. I may be buying their HE washer/dryer. $700 for the set. About 1 year old. Didn't see what brand. I think GE. Also, he drinks some cheap-ass nasty beer. Why I drank a 40oz'er, I have no clue. So. I might be a little drunk.
Speaking of therapy couch. I realize, or maybe wonder, not sure which. Given all the times I was grounded as a teen, and had to spend time in my room... I wonder if that's what made me such the lone wolf I am today. I have no problem sitting in my apartment alone for days on end. Don't mind interaction with others, but don't crave it. Does that make sense? Is that cause/effect? Or just how it worked out? Curious. guess there really is no way of truly finding out.
