And Zen, if I'm raising your stress level without providing any value, please also tell me to shut up.

You're not. You're getting me to think through some things that I've been shying away from thinking about, because it's a scary subject.

Zen, if it makes ya feel any better, you are a great kisser! IJS.

:: whistles innocently ::

There's nothing wrong with asexual men. But they're not helpful in the "trying for the fun sex" department.

So, the issue of sex is fraught for you right now, and because of that right now you don't want to deal with the potential of having sex, or being with someone who might be assuming that sex is in the future (whether short- or long-term future), but you don't want to take the possibility of sex off the table, because, damn it, people like it, and *you're* a person, so why in the HELL can't YOU get in on that yay!sex action, too?

If I'm in the ballpark with that description, OHAI. My issues, let me show you them.

Zen, if it makes ya feel any better, you are a great kisser! IJS.

Aw, thanks! So are you, ya know.

If I'm in the ballpark with that description

Yep, that's pretty much the ballpark.

because of that right now you don't want to deal with the potential of having sex

but "right now" has turned into 13 years, and I know if I don't make some effort to, to do *something*, I'll likely spend the rest of my life in this self-imposed isolation.

I have nothing, really, to add to the discussion because I've a) never really dated, much and 2) been in a relationship for yonks and don't think my experiences would help, much.

Instead, I bring you shallow fashion business! What do we think of this dress:

[link]

I think it's lovely, Aims. I like the seaming on the bodice.

What color, Aims?

Cedar.

In the plaids, it starts to look kind of apron-y, just because of the way the pattern lies. I definitely like the floral ones better.

If I'm in the ballpark with that description

Yep, that's pretty much the ballpark.

Well, all I can say is that that's more or less how I feel. And based on my anecdotal experience, there are men out there who can deal with your issues.

Tim has infinite goddamn patience with me, I tell you what. I am (no pun intended) FUCKED UP. (And I don't mean that because of the kink. Irrespective of the kink, I am really fucked up.) I don't know how he deals with my shit sometimes. And it stresses me out, because he's fairly hypersexual. And I'm very not. But we're not poly, so I can't just say "Go screw your other girlfriend." And sometimes I really wish we were poly so I could say that. But I'm fairly certain that that's not the right reason to be poly. (And neither of us is wired for poly; we've had that discussion a few times.)

because of that right now you don't want to deal with the potential of having sex

but "right now" has turned into 13 years, and I know if I don't make some effort to, to do *something*, I'll likely spend the rest of my life in this self-imposed isolation.

I think that starting to think about it, like you are right now, is a good first step. You don't ever have to have sex again, or you can have All The Sex. You just need to figure out what your next step should be (if you want to take a next step.)

I don't mean that it's easy. Just that starting to think about it is how you start to figure out what comes next.