Cedar.

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In the plaids, it starts to look kind of apron-y, just because of the way the pattern lies. I definitely like the floral ones better.

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If I'm in the ballpark with that description

Yep, that's pretty much the ballpark.

Well, all I can say is that that's more or less how I feel. And based on my anecdotal experience, there are men out there who can deal with your issues.

Tim has infinite goddamn patience with me, I tell you what. I am (no pun intended) FUCKED UP. (And I don't mean that because of the kink. Irrespective of the kink, I am really fucked up.) I don't know how he deals with my shit sometimes. And it stresses me out, because he's fairly hypersexual. And I'm very not. But we're not poly, so I can't just say "Go screw your other girlfriend." And sometimes I really wish we were poly so I could say that. But I'm fairly certain that that's not the right reason to be poly. (And neither of us is wired for poly; we've had that discussion a few times.)

because of that right now you don't want to deal with the potential of having sex

but "right now" has turned into 13 years, and I know if I don't make some effort to, to do *something*, I'll likely spend the rest of my life in this self-imposed isolation.

I think that starting to think about it, like you are right now, is a good first step. You don't ever have to have sex again, or you can have All The Sex. You just need to figure out what your next step should be (if you want to take a next step.)

I don't mean that it's easy. Just that starting to think about it is how you start to figure out what comes next.

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I was telling Debet that I am awash in very casual clothes and feel I need some dressier stuff, especially if I'm going to start subbing in January. I think that would look super cute with a cardy and tights and boots.

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but "right now" has turned into 13 years, and I know if I don't make some effort to, to do *something*, I'll likely spend the rest of my life in this self-imposed isolation.

I feel your pain. It's gotta be 6 or 8 years for me (once you add an 's" to year since you've had sex, it gets kinda depressing). I suck at asking women out. Suck at approach. It's either too casual, and it goes nowhere, or I come off as a perv, and it goes nowhere. I don't have much advice for you. But, that I'm sitting on the same bench with you.

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That's totally a teacher-suitable dress.

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Zen, I'm sorry this is all so fraught for you. The only way to figure things out, and make a change, is to start, right? Just keep starting. Sex is a super weird thing. It really, really is.

Not the greatest segue, but Z met Tom and Nora and me at the pub for a drink. Still like him. Still seems to like me. Going to maybe hang out tomorrow night, and all four of us are going to see Beasts of the Southern Wild on Sunday night (my third time, the first for the others). Part of me is antsy to just know that we're in a relationship*, part of me feels good about taking things a little slow (though we've already had sex once, so not *that* slow).

* yes, I know, here I go again. My insecurity eats me starting with my bottom, every day.

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Zen and Steph I can relate in ways and Zen I'm sorry this is so stressful.

I'm dealing with some issues of things not going the way I expected. When Will and I only saw each other a couple of days 2x a year things were different - absence and all that. But now that we're together our sex drives are different, not to mention it takes me a long time to get warmed up and into things. The best way to describe it (I guess) is if we were both on a track trying to go from 1 to 10 I'd be starting on 0 and he'd be starting on 7 and it's made me feel frustrated. When we were long distance and we'd see each other I'd maybe be start at 7 so it would work out. And then a lot of times recently we've had time constraints and my apartment's walls are rather thin..especially in the bedroom...which makes it hard to relax.

But also I've had to deal with the fact that what I thought was my sex drive was probably just hyper sexuality brought on by hypomania. Which I didn't even know could happen but it does. And then there's the fact for the past -- well since January I keep saying I feel "low energy" and "blah" and it comes and goes but it's been more that than feeling good (like when I first moved up to VT) so I don't know if I'm depressed and that's effecting my sex drive or what.

I feel like I was giving Will some false advertising about what things would be like and I wish it were just easy, instead of feeling like we keep having the same discussions about things.

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Oh, askye, that's so hard.

The best way to describe it (I guess) is if we were both on a track trying to go from 1 to 10 I'd be starting on 0 and he'd be starting on 7 and it's made me feel frustrated.

Oh, I know that feeling.

So, remember when I said "Sex is weird?" I just had a wacky text convo with Z. He thought I was brushing him off on Tuesday when we were snuggling on my bed, but really I was just shifting position because my hip was killing me, and apparently his friend M I met the other week thought I was flirting with her? IDEK. And then his phone died, but not before I suggested talking it all out tomorrow and then hopefully making out. I think he's reading my nervousness and bouts of insecurity as a lack of interest.

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zen - good luck , just go for it. not sex , just the date.

Sex is weird.

Even married and knowing each other- sex drives are constantly changing and so it get weird again

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