Unless his name is Romeo, and you are Juliet, then a nuetral zone may be required. Just don't drink the poison in the tomb!!!

ION- It's American Ballet Theater week here at work. And the kids have finished 3 weeks of sleep away camp, learning all sorts of dance stuff, and putting on shows for their parents. There are about 6 boys. And I have determined, they need to wear a wig with a bun. Dunno why. I just think it'd be funny.

(yes, I am a bit bored, as is the nature of running sound for an event that just requires hitting the GO button. But that means things are going well, so, can't complain)

I'm not looking for someone who doesn't want to date

I was misled by your pointing out of this:

You were just the other day unhappy because you went to a dating thing and met a girl who might like to be friends but didn't seem to want to date you.

If you're looking to date someone and not be just friends then just put that you don't want to have sex in your profile.

If you're looking to date someone and not be just friends then just put that you don't want to have sex in your profile.

That doesn't make any sense to me.

What doesn't make sense?

You're looking to date, right?

You seem to not want to have sex, right?

You have a profile, right?

So say, in your profile, that you're not looking for sex.

Did I misunderstand you that entirely?

Did I misunderstand you that entirely?

Kind of, yeah. To me, dating involves having sex. Saying "I want to date but I don't want to screw, no how, no way" right up front defeats the whole purpose, I might as well not even try to find a companion, on a dating site or wherever. If you're not having sex, and there's no chance you're going to, then you're not dating, you're friends. And friends is great, but eventually the one who does want to have sex will find someone to have sex with, and then you lose your friend to their new partner's jealousy. Maybe I'm cynical and have a bad attitude, but that's how it is.

I know there are asexual/celibate men out there. But since they aren't wearing labels, I don't know how to find them.

And again, I'm not even sure that's what I want. I keep hearing how much fun sex is supposed to be; I'd like to try that "fun sex" with someone. Which means me getting over my issues, which means actually approaching a human male at some point without a metaphorical sword between us. Which scares me to the point that I am actually in tears right now, believe it or not. So maybe I shouldn't have sent that damn message just now, because I am clearly not ready to leave my damn house.

If you're not having sex, and there's no chance you're going to, then you're not dating

Well, since I have a fundamental lack of understanding of this, I can't help. Never mind. Sorry I made you cry, I had no idea this was this fraught.

But since they aren't wearing labels, I don't know how to find them.

They're in the asexual web communities, like AVEN, but I can't work out if you're saying you're situationally or inherently asexual or anything at all, but it's clear I should not press it. I just wanted to throw that link out there before I signed off.

You never have to have sex, ever. Anyone who insists you have to trade it for intimacy or companionship is an asshole whose penis you shouldn't touch anyway. That's not going to be where the fun sex lives!

(Also, if the first point I quoted is true, and you are just friends, then you don't lose them to a partner. If it's not true, then you're not just friends--you are dating.)

Sorry I made you cry,

You didn't! My issues, let me embarrass myself with them.

They're in the asexual web communities, like AVEN, but I can't work out if you're saying you're situationally or inherently asexual or anything at all,

I've been to AVEN, and just went there again. It seems to be a lot about providing information, which I don't really need. To clarify myself, I've been celibate for many years. Realizing I didn't have to have to sex basically led to me not forming any close relationships with men at all. Because I don't know how to do that, and I can't believe any man (who isn't asexual) would want to do that.

Don't let my angst kill the thread....

I think the Buffista love of nitpicking is not proving helpful. I think it is perfectly clear what you mean. I think anyone who does not understand what you mean probably should not be giving advice to you, because it adds to your stress,without helping. Unfortunately, while I understand perfectly what you mean, I'm pretty bad at this whole dating thing myself so can't offer advice. Other than I understand how something you are open to can still make you nervous as hell.

The one thing I think, is that your neutral zone should be quiet, relaxing - someplace familiar you like. Someone better than I at the dating thing might suggest what the tactful way is for you to end up picking the place.