instead of auditioning her

That's the REAL reason I hated dating -- I could never get a dude to just start clogging when I snapped my fingers and said "Dance, monkey, dance!"

(For the record, Tim won't do it, either. Worst. Boyfriend. EVER.)

M and I also started out as friends first -- in our case, because he was actually dating someone else when we met. (Not as scandalous as it sounds, I promise!) And I have to say, I think it was a big part of why things worked out so well for us early on. There was no real pressure to figure out how we felt about each other right away; there was just "Hey, let's hang out again," and so we each got to find out who the other person was in a way that felt much more natural and so much less awkward than if we'd been going on dates.

No, what happened was you defined a number of tests for "into P-C" and she failed, and you're disappointed she failed the test. But your test doesn't have anything to do with her. So just be her friend, nuh? Like a real proper friend with no tests and no hoping, just enjoying her company and getting to know her better instead of auditioning her and waiting for her to decode your signals and getting bummed out because she doesn't have your PGP decryption key.

I agree with ita ! here. And I went back and read your initial post about the dating event, and you didn't actually say much that indicated how you felt about her or what it was that you liked about her, other than that she has a Hec-approved haircut and cried when Dobby died. I'm sure she's a lovely person, but is it possible that you're putting more weight on this interaction than it deserves because she happened to be one of the few women at the event and the only one you talked to for any length of time?

I really think you need to back up and see her email for what it is: an invitation to join her and a bunch of other people for a game night. Maybe you two will become friends. Maybe you'll really hit it off with someone else at the game night. Maybe nothing will come of it, but *for sure* nothing will come of it if you decide not to go because you're disappointed that she doesn't seem all that interested in going on a date with you.

JZ, I kind of picture a lot of affectionate-but-exasperated references to crumb-munchers and rugrats. (That's not at all related to the game-night conversation.) About that, I'd say go and see what happens...however, it's probably not "Let us kiss with tongues." But she could be like me and it's been a long time and she's slow to warm up(despite what I do at f2fs, that is my general nature...probably comes from having a mother that didn't teach me to flirt, but *did* teach me you can push a man's nose almost into his brain, should the need arise.)

Try getting to know her, and letting her get to know you.

Try going to the games night, meet her friends, introduce them to Battlestar Galactica and then BETRAY THEM ALL.

P-C the invite to game night is an opening. Step through it and see what happens.

You keep putting unrealistic expectations on yourself and the women that you meet. It seems like you have a this, not fantasy, but you have this idea in your head of what meeting your Future Girlfriend will be like and none of your encounters with women you like can ever be successful because you keep judging them by this ideal.

Movies teach everybody to do this.But it's never worked out for me either. I've never "met-cute" in real life.

I've never "met-cute" in real life.

I met my boyfriend when he offered to tie me up at a party while wearing a long leather skirt and 5-inch heels.

Does that count as "meet cute"?

I never get to tell 99% of people that story. It's always "We met through friends." Which is technically correct, but lacks that sartorial flair.

Does that count as "meet cute"?

Depends. Who was wearing the skirt and heels?

Maybe in a foreign film, Tep. (I've had a few relationships, but they were pretty free of, like, magic, and "I just knew," and a special way we met, and all that cinematic stuff.)

Who was wearing the skirt and heels?

Who do you think? (That was a grammatically vague sentence, wasn't it? I should edit it. I probably won't, though. It's kind of a given that *I* am not the one wearing heels.)