( continues...) there is one depend on her, and not worry about it? She sounded like she might be annoyed that I'd been here 3 years and not contacted her, and it's likely that Liaison Girl told her I asked for her email way back when - I'm sure they talk, after all - but my email has never changed; if she wanted to get in touch with me, she could have, at any time, herself. I don't know what I should be feeling here. I know I'm really bad about keeping in touch with people; I don't even know if this is my own fault.

tl;dr I know. Thanks for letting me vent.

Zenkitty,

I totally understand where you are at. I am going to let someone else respond because I have been scarred for life by bad friendships and I just end up saying "fuck it" and retreat. Which means I have few close friends. I hate being disappointed by people and I frequently am. I am sure someone with better relationships with friends can chime in with good advice.

Zen, I think the biggest question is, do you want to be friends with her? Do you want to spend time with her? Forget everything else and answer that first. If you do, then make the effort and see what happens, but if she keeps not responding or blowing things off, then I might chalk it up to being not a good fit as friends.

Zen, I have a friend that is SUPER busy, and over time manages (i.e. tries to do too much). Add to that, she now has kids, so that absorbs a lot of her time. I've learned that when she flakes out, don't take it personal. I understand that is a bit different than this situation. But, there are those people out there. I agree with Amy. Ask what you want. If you think she's someone you want to call on. Then. Friends forgive. Move on. If she isn't. Then you move on, and forget.

Zen, I think the biggest question is, do you want to be friends with her?

Well, if she's the person I always thought she was, then yes, I do. If she's the person I'm starting to worry she is, then no. I just don't know how reasonable my worry is.

I just don't know how reasonable my worry is.

I don't get intentional negativity from that - I do get overbusy, and reconnecting with someone who is a friend but not necessarily a close one is not at the top of the prioritiy list.

(I also feel, generally, like some people's calendars move faster than others. Between both schedules and perspective, "we're getting together soon to do X", could totally end up being six weeks from now. Whereas for other people I know (but have to remind myself) that if it doesn't happen in two weeks it starts to feel like a blowoff.

So my take would be to let it ride for a bit - enjoy when you can get together but don't count on it being a super frequent thing, at least not right now.

I don't get intentional negativity from that - I do get overbusy

Okay. Maybe my gut feeling got confused by insecurity. I did feel guilty for not contacting her sooner, but it's not like I singled her out... I'm awful at keeping in touch with people. It's like everything else: if it's not right in front of my face, I've already forgotten about it.

:: jumps up and down and waves at Zenkitty ::

hi!

I'm awful at keeping in touch with people. It's like everything else: if it's not right in front of my face, I've already forgotten about it.

I think a lot of people are this way...oh, wait, I'm talking about ME.

My good friend who came to stay with me last week kept apologizing for being bad at keeping in touch. I had to point out that the phone goes both ways, so yeah, we share the habit.

Plus? When we are together, it is as if no time has passed.

In other words, don't feel guilty!

Happy birthday, Scrappy. I've skated in with a few minutes to spare.

I live in the desert now. Huh. That part is weird. But I spent Sunday with my dad and that made it clear in my heart that this was where I needed to be right now.

Old friendships can be very fraught. I'm not really good at figuring out either how or if to save them when it gets complicated.