Xander ,'Selfless'
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
No introspection allowed on Mondays. That's a universal rule, dammit. None.
Or, as my therapist would say, when you are unsure of your state of mind due to depression or pain or both, DO THE OPPOSITE.
So no eating disorder. No cosmetic surgery. No breaking up.
Introspection that always comes out with your being a loser is not the real thing.
Those are horrid brain weasels!
My therapist says to me all the time - Be Kind to Yourself.
Especially when my level of self care drops closer to survival mode.
So, Teppy, Be Kind To Yourself!
When I get really sick my stupid brain goes into DEPRESSION MODE and then my brain starts digging up everything I think I've done wrong or failed or any way I think I've humilated myself and it ends up with lots of tears and dehydration and anxiety.
But it's not real. I mean I feel like crap and the stuff goes through my head but it's not depression and so I have to tell myself my brain's wires are crossed and weather it.
Which means my level of self care goes down to survival mode and everything else gets left behind.
So, Teppy, Be Kind To Yourself!
Absolutely, this. It's self-coddle time.
Yeah, I can see the external factors of (1) HOLY GOD THIS PAIN, (2) my god, I am drugged up so much that a vampire drinking my blood would get stoned, (3) not enough sleep for 3 days running, (4) not enough food for 3 days running, (5) what food I have eaten isn't really what I needed.
I get that.
when my level of self care drops closer to survival mode.
You know, I just want someone to take care of *me*. Fuck self care. Fuck it in the ass.
Someone should take care of you!
Sometimes that's what a level of self care is -someone taking care of you and all the other stuff and you are only doing the sleeping, taking medicine, eating/drinking, bathroom stuff.
I have a tendency to think if I'm sick and I'm not doing stuff I'm being lazy and procrastinating and then I get mad and go all drill sgt on myself.
So I have to remind myself, that not doing stuff is okay when I'm sick/depressed/dealing with shit.
You know, I just want someone to take care of *me*. Fuck self care. Fuck it in the ass.
Oh god yes.
So I have to remind myself, that not doing stuff is okay when I'm sick/depressed/dealing with shit.
More than okay, IMO. Sometimes, it's necessary.
I'm thinking about going to Urgent Care for this migraine. I cannot believe how much it hurts. If I had this much pain in some other part of my body, I would be at Urgent Care already. I just don't know what they can do. I am not a good candidate for triptans (abortive meds), plus it's already been over 36 hours, so even if I were, I don't think they would work well anyway.
I kind of need to decide soon, because they close in an hour.
Steph, the one time I went to the walk-in for a migraine (hadn't gone away after like three or four days), they gave me a shot for the pain.