Cass is totally my cold bucket of reality today (which is good). And here's the thing - if he is so much like me in that way, he will *totally lie* to me and himself about being okay with it, like I did with StW.

erika, I don't think he's a Nice Guy. He may be a nice guy. Too soon to tell.

I'm with Cass, his instincts are right on both counts. You don't need to feel manipulated into a relationship. And I also would caution you against projecting too much of yourself and your previous situation onto him because he will use that to manipulate you.

In other words, you are not StW here, you are still you.

I totally think he's a Nice Guy

Why do you think so? I mean, I don't have a vibe off him or anything, but what he shared seemed reasonable "just checking", and if he sticks to his word that's totally how adults should act.

What is a Nice Guy, as opposed to a nice guy?

Cass is totally my cold bucket of reality today (which is good).

I am trying to be a tepid bucket of reality. Less startling than cold. Maybe a comfy bath of reality.

Nice Guy: [link]

A Nice Guy isn't being nice because he's into treating people decently as a matter of course. He's pretending to be friends in the hope that he'll get laid. See [link]

I don't know...just an instinct, but if my instincts were good, we'd be having this conversation in a bigger house. Something about it struck me as manipulative. But maybe I'm a jerk who lets good people out of her life for no reason.

A Nice Guy isn't being nice because he's into treating people decently as a matter of course. He's pretending to be friends in the hope that he'll get laid.

Ah. Although, in my experience, even guys who are being nice just to be nice still hope they're going to laid.

I think the thing that makes the Nice Guy different is how bitter they could get when you don't come through for them.