Maria,

can you be in Italy for several months? Does it need to be a move? Maybe you need to plan for an 8 weeks trip, and then come back to plan for something more permanent?

I totally support moving to Italy if you think it would help--as everyone else said, it's not like you can't move BACK.

Would you plan to get a job of some sort, there, or find another way to live? Do you know what city/part you'd want to live in?

Right now, it's percolating.

le n, I spent my summers growing up there, and I have dual citizenship. My dream once I retired was to split my time between the U.S. and Italy. Permanence isn't really an issue. I can use our place over there as a base of operations to figure out exactly where I want to be. Unfortunately, the job market in southern Italy is not good, and I'd most likely have to find something in Rome and/or places north.

meara, I'd need to work. I'd go crazy without doing so, and while I have savings, it won't go far, especially if I have to keep the house here. The Italian citizenship helps since I won't need any special permits.

This is just something that's been in the back of my head for a while, though I need to make sure it isn't a knee-jerk reaction to the massive upheaval in my life right now.

If I do go, my door is always open to Buffistas.

Maria, for what it's worth, this feels right to me. I think without a doubt you need to move out of your current home--it's far too painful for you to be there--and why not give Italy a try, especially if you have a place to stay in the short term as you figure things out? Your local family will understand, truly.

Am I crazy for contemplating a move to Italy?

Not at all.

Too soon to be making major life decisions...?

I think so. I mean, that's the conventional wisdom, and it makes sense to me that waiting a year (or thereabouts) will help give you some more clarity on whether or not this is the right decision for you. But thinking about it and exploring your options sounds like a great focus for your energy right now. You don't have to make any decisions before you're ready.

The one caveat I would add is to keep in mind that it might mean you would be cut off from much of your current support system. Do you have family or friends in Italy that you would try to move to be close to? We'll be here wherever you go, of course, but having people you know and love close by, where you can see them whenever you need to, may be very important to you for a while yet.

Maria, I think it's good to think about it. It's not just like you are packing a bag and fleeing. You're taking time and planning. A total change of scenery gives you some space, and a different perspective. And, like everyone said, you can always come back.

...Now that I reread my post, I sound like kind of a downer, which wasn't my intention! I'm honestly thrilled to see you thinking about moving forward and making a positive change in your life. If you've got a place you can go for a while to figure things out, that sounds like an excellent plan.

Do you have family or friends in Italy that you would try to move to be close to?

I do, though the larger portion is in Paris.

We'll be here wherever you go, of course, but having people you know and love close by, where you can see them whenever you need to, may be very important to you for a while yet.

And this is why I haven't already left. When I am comfortable being alone again, well....

I'm not talking about actually doing anything for a while. It's going to take at least 6 months to close out his estate. If my hand is forced by outside circumstances, that's one thing, but a deliberate abandoning of responsibilities here isn't going to happen. I'm not built that way.

Oooh. Screw Italy, move to Paris! :)

And one of the things I love about Buffistas is wherever I go, there you are! It was very reassuring when I moved cross-country to know that as soon as I got the internet fired up, it was just as usual!

I also tend to be a pretty spontaneous person, so waiting a year feels way too long to me, at least in terms of decisions about moving or changing jobs. I can see that it is good advice, but sometimes I think just GOING is the best way to start fresh, to give your body and brain a hard reset. Not saying I'm right, just that I know I'm biased.