That would be awesome, Steph. I find the whole thing embarrassing. And painful.

Steph is an excellent resource for dealing with IBS. I know that, in my experience, once I was diagnosed it got better. I assume because I wasn't feeling the same level of stress over what it could be and also because I wasn't as scared. Still totally sucks sometimes but I haven't landed back in the ER, so it's some level of win.

Totally understand. The doctor thought it was an ulcer, and so did I. My eyes were watering with the pain. I was eating so many Tums, which was actually making it worse.

That would be awesome, Steph. I find the whole thing embarrassing. And painful.

The pain can be unfuckingbelievable. It's been bad enough to keep me home from social events, or make me leave early. I've had it mostly under control for the past couple of years, so this is what I've learned/what has worked for me:

1. Oatmeal. Seriously. Possibly more than anything else, oatmeal helps tremendously. (Somewhere Wilford Goddamn Brimley is pumping his fist in triumph.)

2a. Relatedly, fiber fiber fiber. Shoot for 30 grams a day. (I put applesauce and ground flax seed in my oatmeal. It's fiber-tastic.) BUT if you haven't been getting that much before now, increase your fiber intake gradually, because sudden increased fiber is a recipe for pain and weeping. t edit Cass turned me on to these chewy fruit bar things from Trader Joe's -- sort of like a fruit rollup, or hippie fruit leather -- that have 6 grams of fiber in them. That's an awesome way to get fiber on days I haven't gotten enough. (I don't, actually, have oatmeal every morning, so sometimes my fiber intake sucks.)

2b. If you take a fiber supplement, the best one is Citrucel (or its store-brand generic equivalent, which would be methylcellulose). It doesn't cause gas and bloating (apparently some fiber supplements -- FiberCon, Metamucil, etc. -- cause a lot of gas and bloating, and since IBS already causes that, you don't want to add to it, AMIRITE?).

3. A good probiotic is your friend. Unfortunately, different people are going to respond differently to the different ones out there, so it might take some time to find out which one works best. I tried a few different ones before I settled. Some people like Align. Some people like Culturelle. My go-to probiotic is Enzymatic Therapy's Pearls. And they also make an "extra-strength" version of the Pearls, called Pearls IC (for Intensive Care), with more strains of bacteria: [link] I took the Pearls IC for a few months before switching over to regular Pearls, and it helped a lot.

4. Believe it or not, charcoal helps with gas and bloating. There's a product called Charcocaps that my doctor recommends, but I take the Nature's Way brand of charcoal: [link] It really, honestly helps.

HOWEVER, with charcoal, it can remove things like medication from your system (that's why when someone ODs, the emergency room doctor pumps them full of charcoal; that said, the amount of charcoal in the charcocaps is way way way less than the OD amount). So the recommendation is to take charcoal 1-2 hours before or after taking medication.

5. About the only prescription drugs that do anything (and they aren't awesome, but they do help) are Bentyl (generic name: dicyclomine) and Levsin (also called Levbid; generic name hyoscyamine). When my IBS flares up I take Bentyl 3 times a day.

6. If you have painful cramping, lying down with a heating pad on your tummy helps. And if you don't have time to lie down, sticking one of those ThermaCare heat thingies in your undies, like you would for menstrual cramps, works pretty well. That got me through a bad flare when we had to take the nieces and nephews to a movie and dinner.

Oh, I meant to say, about this:

I have this odd feeling that I'm in placebo-land, but I'd sacrifice a chicken if I was in that kind of pain again and someone told me it would make it stop.

I just paid a little less than $500 total for 6 acupuncture visits for my migraines. And even if it was total placebo effect, they goddamned worked. And that's all I give a shit about. (I still have some migraine pain try to start up, but I can generally stop it within a couple of hours, with ibuprofen. Prior to acupuncture, it generally took 2-3 days to get one to go away, with all kinds of shit, like percocet.)

I've read some on acupuncture's purported mechanisms of action, and some of the nerve/endorphin dealies make a lot of sense to me. That said, even if it was a giant placebo, I don't give a shit, because it dialed my migraines down by about 95%, and that right there is Jesus-making-the-blind-man-see, for me.

While I don't subscribe to any particular faith I do think spirituality can be a wonderful thing for people. It's organized religion that I deeply mistrust.

3. A good probiotic is your friend.

This has worked wonders for my mom. I'm not sure what enzymes she takes, but before she started those she was afraid to eat much of anything.

When I was first diagnosed with degenerating disks I was too tense for PT to do any good. So my PT sent me to an acupuncturist which reduced the tension enough for PT to do me some good. And I'm absolutely certain it was placebo effect because half the time she waved a stick of lit incense around rather than do acupuncture. (The acupuncturist told me the incense was Moly and I told her that if she had access to actual Moly she should be, I don't know, turning CEOs of large corporations back into human beings.) But did not care that is was Placebo, because pain relief. And from some tests I've heard apparently the Placebo affect does not depend on belief. You can know your treatment is bullshit and it can still work. At which point it is not really bullshit. I wonder how the hell the Placebo affect does work. I mean saying it is psychological is a nice label but really is not very specific. I gather a lot of people wonder about that and are trying to discover the answer.

Erin, the violet balsamic is FANTASTIC. I haven't tried the violet mojitos recipe yet, 'cos the antibiotic I'm on for the Lyme disease means I shouldn't drink. But it is fabulous in fizzy water, and over strawberries.

Oh, YAY! I'm so pleased.

The thing is with alternative medicine (and I'm NO expert) is that a lot of tried and true things are labeled alternative because they don't come from box or from the pharmacist.

Ginger and peppermint help nausea. Chamomile is a mild sedative. Massage helped me with carpal tunnel and stress migraines.

Many heart medications are derived from digitalis, which has been used for heart conditions for thousands of years. Yet many herbal remedies are labeled "alternative."

Yeah, a shitload of it's whackaloon money-mongering, but some very useful things get tarred with the alt medicine brush.

When I eat too much, I have a cup of mint tea rather than tums. When I am tense, I'll have some Tension Tamer tea. I put tea tree oil on small cuts, and aloe on a small burn.

But if I have a headache, I take a Tylenol, and have a hot shower, if I feel a panic attack coming, I take a Xanax and motherfucking Ambien is my BFF because I have tried ALL the herbal and alt-med treatments out there for my chronic insomnia and they did not pass muster.

Only thing I never tried was heroin, for obvious reasons. I'm pretty sure it would have put me to sleep, but...

Speaking of which, time to crawl into bed.

and motherfucking Ambien is my BFF because I have tried ALL the herbal and alt-med treatments out there for my chronic insomnia and they did not pass muster.

PREACH IT. I am thrilled that herbal and alt-med treatments help with insomnia for people. I am not one of them, please don't tell me about the miracle of valerian.

Valerian, in pill form or in tea tastes like ASS.

And it makes me tired, but it doesn't put me to sleep.

So, ASS, TIRED, NO SLEEP = No valerian love.