There are so many unfortunate things about this picture I don't know where to begin.

What the hell is that basset hound chewing on? It looks like a dildo.

I also find it hard to believe the adorable toddler in that picture speaks Farsi and works with SEALs and has been to Afghanistan and all over the Middle East.

He was born to kickass and speak Farsi.

How does that happen? Are you breasts morphing or something?

They're just like Power Rangers that way.

There's little variety available to women of a very full figure, David. At a certain band and/or cup size, you may have only a handful of bras to try in the entire store, and they're usually plain and boring, and like strapping a battleship to your bosom.

Now that my band size is smaller, the store has a lot more variety available in my size.

It's a boring weekend for me: family and maybe some writing. Tomorrow I sit with my Mom while my Dad goes walking, and I have the rest of the day off (unless my friend J wants to go climbing). And then Sunday is running, then climbing, then pick up the folks and go to San Jose for my niece's 3-year birthday party.

We have been told not to bring gifts--apparently they have too much crap already.

My life is pretty dull, and yet busy. How did that happen?

I think the basset hound was chewing on a bottle of lotion, which, yeah, doesn't make a lot of sense either.

There's little variety available to women of a very full figure, David. At a certain band and/or cup size, you may have only a handful of bras to try in the entire store, and they're usually plain and boring, and like strapping a battleship to your bosom.

I thought you could solve this problem by going to Nordstrom and letting a middle aged woman (Russian in my imagination) grope you. She herself is built like a battleship and intones in a dreadful voice: "It must be done."

I think the basset hound was chewing on a bottle of lotion, which, yeah, doesn't make a lot of sense either.

Considering that dogs-of-today contentedly chew on rawhides made out of smoked bull penis, I'm thinking that dildos make more sense.

Senior year in college

You still look like that, megan!

Me at age 10, winner of the Jodie Foster Lookalike contest.

You look like Emmett!

You look like Emmett!

Emmett looks like Jodie Foster!

Okay, actually he doesn't.

You still look like that, megan!

This is true. You look pretty much the same.

I thought you could solve this problem by going to Nordstrom

And I'm just saying, not even Nordstrom has a ton of stuff in stock when you've got knockers that precede you into a room without the aid of a corset.