I think my sister didn't expect me to email her sexologist colleague.

To be honest, I kinda didn't expect me to either. Now I guess my questions gotta be good, or she'll be the chick with the blah sister.

I am perfectly willing to believe that nipple thing is bogus, because, eww. Just eww.

an excuse to eat scones

Damn it, I made scones a week too early! I guess I'll just have to make more. What a hardship.

I feel like I read somewhere once that "real" scones only have currants in them, not anything else like blueberries or cinnamon or chocolate chips. (Kind of like the Oh Dear God That Thing Is NOT A Bagel POV on baked round bready things with hole [see also, Eat A Muffin, Whitey].) Is that true? Because I couldn't find currants but found a bag with a combination of dried blueberries, dried cherries, and dried cranberries. And wow, the resultant scones are excellent. But my question remains -- are the only "true" scones made with currants?

Although they're also gluten-free, so their provenance was dodgy right from the start.

But my question remains -- are the only "true" scones made with currants?

Well, currants are traditional. And after that I think we're into "Eat a Muffin, Whitey!" territory.

And after that I think we're into "Eat a Muffin, Whitey!" territory.

Heh -- I think while you were posting, I was busily editing in "Eat A Muffin, Whitey!"

Well, my sham scones are still quite good. I blame Kroger for not having currants. DAMN YOU KROGER!

Speaking of which, I came across this note at the end of an unrelated column over at the Atlantic the other day:

And speaking of deadly weapons: I just observed a very smart Atlantic intern in our kitchen spreading hummus on a cinammon-and-raisin bagel. This is very, very wrong. I explained to her that, a) cinnammon-raisin bagels aren't technically bagels at all -- I call them "Christmas Raisin Rings," and that b) hummus doesn't belong on bagels, no matter what their provenance. She was unapologetic. Kids today, huh?

But -- I do actually get why a cinnamon-swirl-streusel-chip bagel is really not the same animal as a plain bagel. Honestly.

But is there really that much difference in the scone world between choices of dried fruits? I wasn't using Skittles, or anything.

[Note to self: MAKE SKITTLE SCONES AND SEND THEM TO DAVID.]

The last time I bought currants, they were fake anyway -- Zante currants are actually raisins?

And hey, going back to c/p that, I realize it wasn't an unrelated column at all. Sort of. Here's the rest:

About the TSA: I was traveling a lot last week, and I chose, whenever the situation arose, to avoid the radioactive humiliation experience, and instead chose the now-traditional junk-handling one-on-one frisking spectacular. The frisk went as usual ("Now, on behalf of the people of the United States of America, I'm going to run my hand up your butt crack"), except when the TSA agent swabbed my inner thighs for explosives. We've all been swabbed, but the TSA usually runs the swab on your hands, or your carry-on bags. This time, the inner thighs. Which raised the question: Is it possible to build a bomb with just your inner thighs? Is something we should worry about, an al Qaeda bomber who, using only his thighs and a 3 oz. tube of toothpaste, could blow an airliner from the sky? (UPDATE: Goldblog reader E.B. suggests that this was an indirect way of looking for an ass-bomb. But I say, hey, if you're going to look for an ass-bomb, then don't pussy-foot around, just go look for an ass-bomb.)

[link]

And speaking of deadly weapons: I just observed a very smart Atlantic intern in our kitchen spreading hummus on a cinammon-and-raisin bagel. This is very, very wrong. I explained to her that, a) cinnammon-raisin bagels aren't technically bagels at all -- I call them "Christmas Raisin Rings," and that b) hummus doesn't belong on bagels, no matter what their provenance. She was unapologetic. Kids today, huh?

I'm just chuffed they used "provenance."

Also? Hummus on a cinnamon-raisin bagel sounds gnarly. But a plan bagel -- why not? I am a food philistine, though, as evidenced by my wild-ass scones.

(Seriously, I kind of want to try to make Skittles scones now.)

Zante currants are actually raisins

IS THERE NO TRUTH IN THIS WORLD?