Gluten is probably an ish.

Well, I was diagnosed with IBS in 2008, and only puzzled out the gluten thing in 2010 (or 2009? I disremember), and I hoped that the IBS was an incorrect diagnosis, and that avoiding gluten would get rid of all gastrointestinal problems. Unfortunately for me, I still have both -- there are times when I've avoided all gluten for a long time and yet my innards get violent. I don't understand it. But it sucks hard.

On that Miss Manners column, I have a different perspective on part of the first letter:

And while I am a fierce feminist, I do think that a gentleman who holds a door for a lady — or assists her with her coat, or allows her to precede him into a room, or removes his hat indoors — provides a social grace note and shows his consideration for our culture’s rules of polite behavior without doing any actual harm to equality or equal justice.

I generally ask Tim to enter a crowded room in front of me, because my social anxiety gets triggered HARD when I walk in a room and people all turn and yell hi, or whatever. So if I can hide behind him, that helps a small bit.

Granted, I am not typical. But my point is that a truly polite gentleman (or gentlewoman) would find out his (or her) companion's preferences and then accede to them. A stranger watching might think Tim is a boor for preceding me into a room, but to me, he's doing me a tremendous kindness. And in that light, I say, FUCK rules of "polite behavior."

I don't get the idea that a man helping a woman with her coat is any more a signifier of a polite society than a woman helping a man with his. Not at all.

I'ma disagree with Miss Manners on that one. Gender should not be the determinant of who you hold the door for, or who you help with their coat (need? sure. Height? makes sense for the coat thing). I don't find it to be a "social gracenote". I find it to be patronizing.

And Teppy's answer is even better.

I don't get the idea that a man helping a woman with her coat is any more a signifier of a polite society than a woman helping a man with his. Not at all.

I don't get why there should be a height requirement involved with pulling a trigger.

I'm standing in the ita corner, simultaneously helping a dude take off his jacket while adjusting my holster.

A stranger watching might think Tim is a boor for preceding me into a room

Huh. What percentage of strangers think this, do you suppose?

I'll hold a door for a woman if she's right behind me, but I expect the same thing in return. I don't do the coat thing or the hat thing (or the 'help her sit in a restaurant') either. I always figured only a small percentage of people would think I'm a boor....

But my point is that a truly polite gentleman (or gentlewoman) would find out his (or her) companion's preferences and then accede to them

Some of those "polite" things anyway - eh. Any number of times I've been in the middle or back of a crowded elevator, and the men waiting to let me get out first is awkward and inconvenient, and sometimes makes me really self-conscious. And given that no one has regularly helped me on with my coat since about the third grade, that's not exactly devoid of awkwardness either.

I have no issue with common courtesy, but some of it's just silly.

I don't find it to be a "social gracenote". I find it to be patronizing.

Eh, I am perfectly happy to have some guy hold the door for me. It just gets weird if he's hardcore about it and he's like, way behind me and running ahead to do it, or if my hands are free and he's got stuff. But then, I also open doors for people sometimes. I figure it's a nice thing to do for a human.

"Help sit in a restaurant" can be nice, if you're wearing a skirt. And a nice restaurant. But that's kind of a rare combo for me (and half the time its the hostess doing that for people, these days, which...)

I figure it's a nice thing to do for a human.

This is pretty much where I am. If not holding the door means it's going to hit someone else in the face or something like that, then I will usually hold the door. I'm not more or less likely to do it based on the gender of the person behind me.

I go with common coutesy. I'll hold doors and such and I appreciate it when someone (male or female) does it for me.

My son, since he was old enough to hold a door open, will hold a door for anyone and everyone. I mean, 5 families might pass through without anyone offering to relieve him or without him giving up his post. I have tried to tell him that is overkill and unnecessary. He won't listen.

Hubby is hardcore about getting the door for me, even when he's on crutches. I let him get away with it, because it's one of those things I put up with in the marriage. I think I've weaned him off of trying to open doors that push open, becuase it's just awkward to have him push open a door for me and then having me trying to squeeze past him. But oh, he doesn't like not doing it for me. My Hubby, the Neanderthal gentleman, everybody.