I'ma disagree with Miss Manners on that one. Gender should not be the determinant of who you hold the door for, or who you help with their coat (need? sure. Height? makes sense for the coat thing). I don't find it to be a "social gracenote". I find it to be patronizing.

And Teppy's answer is even better.

I don't get the idea that a man helping a woman with her coat is any more a signifier of a polite society than a woman helping a man with his. Not at all.

I don't get why there should be a height requirement involved with pulling a trigger.

I'm standing in the ita corner, simultaneously helping a dude take off his jacket while adjusting my holster.

A stranger watching might think Tim is a boor for preceding me into a room

Huh. What percentage of strangers think this, do you suppose?

I'll hold a door for a woman if she's right behind me, but I expect the same thing in return. I don't do the coat thing or the hat thing (or the 'help her sit in a restaurant') either. I always figured only a small percentage of people would think I'm a boor....

But my point is that a truly polite gentleman (or gentlewoman) would find out his (or her) companion's preferences and then accede to them

Some of those "polite" things anyway - eh. Any number of times I've been in the middle or back of a crowded elevator, and the men waiting to let me get out first is awkward and inconvenient, and sometimes makes me really self-conscious. And given that no one has regularly helped me on with my coat since about the third grade, that's not exactly devoid of awkwardness either.

I have no issue with common courtesy, but some of it's just silly.

I don't find it to be a "social gracenote". I find it to be patronizing.

Eh, I am perfectly happy to have some guy hold the door for me. It just gets weird if he's hardcore about it and he's like, way behind me and running ahead to do it, or if my hands are free and he's got stuff. But then, I also open doors for people sometimes. I figure it's a nice thing to do for a human.

"Help sit in a restaurant" can be nice, if you're wearing a skirt. And a nice restaurant. But that's kind of a rare combo for me (and half the time its the hostess doing that for people, these days, which...)

I figure it's a nice thing to do for a human.

This is pretty much where I am. If not holding the door means it's going to hit someone else in the face or something like that, then I will usually hold the door. I'm not more or less likely to do it based on the gender of the person behind me.

I go with common coutesy. I'll hold doors and such and I appreciate it when someone (male or female) does it for me.

My son, since he was old enough to hold a door open, will hold a door for anyone and everyone. I mean, 5 families might pass through without anyone offering to relieve him or without him giving up his post. I have tried to tell him that is overkill and unnecessary. He won't listen.

Hubby is hardcore about getting the door for me, even when he's on crutches. I let him get away with it, because it's one of those things I put up with in the marriage. I think I've weaned him off of trying to open doors that push open, becuase it's just awkward to have him push open a door for me and then having me trying to squeeze past him. But oh, he doesn't like not doing it for me. My Hubby, the Neanderthal gentleman, everybody.

I always hold the door for the person behind me, no matter who it is. It's just *human* courtesy.

The last time I had the full-out "treat women like queens" experience was in this hard-core old-world Italian restaurant in the theater district. It was my parents and me and Stephen, and the waiters seated Mom, then me, then the men, asked Mom for her order first, then me, etc. It was sort of sweet and sort of tedious.

I hold doors open for people. Men and women. And if it's a double door situation if a guy holds the first door open for me I always make sure I hold open the second one for him. It seems polite.

I don't know about helping a coat on. Do people really need help putting on coats?