This is the worst possible weekend ever to fall apart. I can't fall apart with him here--no fucking way I'm adding to his stress--and I must go to PA at some point this weekend. Not only do we have a 40-year flood to deal with, we still haven't told my father that DH has cancer. Now my hand is forced, and I can't be a mess when I do that. This is going to destroy him. His brother and his son-in-law both diagnosed with cancer in the span of 9 months.

Perkins, I may need to ask you and Ginger lots of questions about dealing with this. Please tell me when I overstep my bounds.

sara, right now he's going back to see the surgeon. He needs to get set up with an oncologist. Washington Hospital Center has a melanoma center, but JHU is always a possibility. That's actually where his dad's doctor's appointment is on Monday. They saved his life by discovering and treating his bladder cancer.

Ugh, I am not the first spouse on this board to go through this. Why am I taking over the place with my drama?

(I am more fragile than spun glass right now. One more hit and I will shatter. I don't like this.)

Maria, whatever I can do, please let me know.

Make it all go away, please? Make my husband healthy.

edit: That's not fair, Plei. I'm sorry.

Ugh, I am not the first spouse on this board to go through this. Why am I taking over the place with my drama?

Because it is a serious blow after a series of serious blows. Because just because someone else went through it, doesn't mean it's not a major, serious thing. Because that's what we're here for.

Maria, I can give you my mother's email, too. She's an RN and went through her own cancer treatment five years ago. Though she's kind of, umm. Kooky. Not in a woo-woo way, but still: kooky. Yet strangely level-headed.

Maria, you know if I could, I would. I hate like hell that I can't.

Also, dude, totally. You are not taking over the board with your drama. You are doing what you're supposed to do, which is *use your support systems* -- that's us, and your family, and your other friends.

You absolutely can fall apart when you need to. You can give yourself time and space to do that. If you feel like you can't or don't want to now, that's fine, too, but you do not need to have permission to react any way you have to.

We want to be able to be here for you, and we can only do that if you let us, and that's by spewing all over the boards anything you want right now. You are allowed. We allow you.

Why am I taking over the place with my drama?

You're no drama queen, missy! We all know what that looks like and it doesn't look like you.

This is the real deep shit. And you're in it. And we're here.

Don't ever excuse yourself for calling on us. It's a privilege.

Ugh, I am not the first spouse on this board to go through this. Why am I taking over the place with my drama?

Dude, I've inadvertently taken over Bitches with roommate drama for two days. Please don't feel bad. This is a safe place for you.

Also, dude, totally. You are not taking over the board with your drama. You are doing what you're supposed to do, which is *use your support systems* -- that's us, and your family, and your other friends.

You absolutely can fall apart when you need to. You can give yourself time and space to do that. If you feel like you can't or don't want to now, that's fine, too, but you do not need to have permission to react any way you have to.

What Liese said.

Do NOT begrudge yourself asking for help, venting or whatever, damnit! And missy, this does not qualify as drama. This is stupid life. We all share it here, good and bad. And the collective experience can work for you, and anyone else who has to go through this or the annoyance of stepping in cat barf.

Please call me if you need to. If I'm home and see the CID, will definitely answer. (Yeah, PITA me and not using the cell.)