Nothing at all. Shit just happens.

And yeah, hope can be a nasty bitch. But it is still there. Just requires recalibrating your frame of reference, but takes time to mourn the previous expectations. Let yourself, and him, do that. And you know what? It's ok to fall apart for a while.

Absolutely, Ginger. I cannot have the abyss looking into me without help. He's in the anger stage right now, and I don't know where he's really at. It's been a lot of talk that an early death is a foregone conclusion, and I can't counter that right now.

I can't fall apart now. I have a new job to keep. I won't even be able to go with him to the doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm making my sister come down, because his parents can't even go. His father has his own doctor's appointment.

Oh, Maria, that's so hard. I think you might just have to let him be angry for a while.

Please PLEASE let us know what we can do to help.

Oh Maria, I am so very very sorry, and what everyone else said, especially the fuck cancer, and that he and you did absolutely nothing to deserve this.

It's Friday night, you can definitely fall apart now. As long as you can pull it back together enough in 48 hours. I can't imagine just holding it in indefinitely will work.

Oh, friend. I just don't even know.

Oh, Maria. I just caught up. I'm so sorry, and it's so brutally fucking unjust.

Aw fuck Maria. That's awful. I wish I had magic powers.

But if you have to go lock yourself in a closet and have a good cry, or go break some dishes or just scream at the sky, don't begrudge yourself that.

Where is he seeing docs? I don't mean to put her on the spot, but lisah's got resources at JHU, and they helped steer her & Bob with second opinions and all. When you are ready to deal with that.

If you do end up coming to B'more for any of this, please know you both can use me as a place to crash. My parents will be here for a week in late October, but even then, there are enough beds.

Maria, I'm so sorry!