I think I'd categorise vanilla as vagina in penis sex (yup, straight only) with no role-playing or fetish-exercising of any sort. At least that's what I was thinking of as I read that piece. Oh, and no toys. Oral is foreplay, never the main event.

I don't really think most people have (only) vanilla sex.

No, I don't either, esp. when using your definition.

PIV.

My OB/GYN was unfamiliar with this term when I used it with her. I'm glad to have educated her, but -- really? She's been practicing for at least 18 years, since I've been seeing her since I was out of college. No one has used this term?

vagina in penis sex

For some reason this makes me think of Klein bottles.

I love you people madly.

"When I have sex with lesbians, hey want me to self-define as a lesbian. When I have sex with bisexuals they want me to self-define as bisexual. When I have sex with straight men they want me to self-define as straight. I don't like boxes. I define my sexuality as 'curious'."

I think I've said this before, and I apologize if I'm repeating myself. The term "heteroflexible" unfortunately gets used a lot to mean "Tee hee, I'm a woman who makes out with other women in bars because the men think it's hot!" But that's really the only term that I can apply to myself. I'm honestly not bisexual. And I can't say I'm straight, because my boyfriend is also quite literally my girlfriend (because gender has nothing to do with genitals, which is a discussion I'm happy to have, but not at this exact moment, b/c I have to jump in the shower). With a trans* partner, to call myself straight is both inaccurate and also erases his trans* identity. So -- heteroflexible. But I don't make out with other women because the men think it's hot.

(I will, however, make out with other women if *I* think *they're* hot. It doesn't happen often, though, because -- monogamous. Tim is fine with me kissing women, but not men, as long as he knows about it first. I am fine with Tim kissing men, but not women, as long as I get to watch. Because I am a voyeur like that.)

t edit And let me tell you -- digression -- the monogamy KILLS me some times. I've met only a couple people who have made me very seriously consider a poly lifestyle. But, in the end, I know I am not built for polyamory. I'm unbelievably jealous and possessive, and I don't manage my time well (which is not meant to be funny; sometimes I think the hardest thing about being poly is managing one's time so as to have adequate time for all partners). Fortunately, I am exceedingly, X-ratedly happy with my monogamous partner.

Seriously, people. I am an actual missionary, one who has only ever had sex with her husband, and I don't just do missionary position. I mean, come on. Vanilla is as vanilla does.

I'm still sad about polyamory, after falling for, and therefore having to break up with, a poly guy recently.

The term "heteroflexible" unfortunately gets used a lot to mean "Tee hee, I'm a woman who makes out with other women in bars because the men think it's hot!"

Really? Those girls would use that term? I mean, I guess so, but it feels so much more academic than Katy Perry.

OMG, Liese, I love you.

I wish there were better names for sexual positions. I hate both "missionary" and "doggy style" as terms.

The term "heteroflexible" unfortunately gets used a lot to mean "Tee hee, I'm a woman who makes out with other women in bars because the men think it's hot!"

I knew someone in college who insisted that this was what the "I'm straight but not narrow" bumper sticker on her car meant.

Ugh, seriously????

Seriously, people. I am an actual missionary, one who has only ever had sex with her husband, and I don't just do missionary position.

I t heart Liese.

I Liese.

Amen to that!

Ha, Liese!

Wikipedia:

Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position.[...]. It can also be used to describe insertive sex without any element of BDSM or any fetish.

My assumption is that by insertive they don't mean anal, since they say missionary.

I asked my sister, because she's a professional (anthropologist, not sex person). She hooked me up with the journal linked to from the wikipedia article, but that's about homosexuals. Very frustrating. But it does say that 1/3 of British straight couples engage in occasional anal sex, which for me would put it on the boundary of vanilla--but it's not something you ask a nice girl to do on a first date, you know? And vanilla is that stuff.