YAY POWER!

This is why I love Jesse. And amyth and I can go out for $27 beers occasionally, since that's probably what they'll cost by then.

Woo hoo! And yes.

I knew a woman a million years ago when I lived in DC who was planning to retire to NYC. I don't know if she's done it yet.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY BUFFY PARTIES I HAVE BEEN TO?

More than three? Yeah, but I've seen you at these things and you're in busy organizer mode, scrupulously avoiding actually mixing and mingling and talking to new people.

That seems like a lot of work just to attain lifelong happiness.

Or you could let your mom pick your wife.

Hey, I just lost..twenty-two pounds now.

Yay!

Is it a yay, since it's the result of IBS pain and badness? (Not that I'm reproaching Ginger; I'm guessing not everyone has your IBS in the corner of their mind, but I am sympatico with you since my own guts have had their own rebellion and are taking a long slow time to settle down. Er, which is to say, I'm aware of your ongoing IBS issues, and was wondering if that's why you've lost weight.)

Anyway, what I mean is, it's a bitch of a way to lose weight, and I couldn't recommend it to anyone.

I'd like to have a kid by 40,

I feel like there's something DEEPLY, severely wrong with me that I don't want kids. I really want to WANT them; I feel like I should be wanting them so I have the large brood to gather around my deathbed, etc., etc., but -- I have zero urge to have a kid. None.

It makes me feel like a failure as a woman and a human.

And then I am occasionally struck with pangs like, wow, when I see the family gathered at Tim's parents' house for holidays, 4 generations now, I feel like I *should* have embarked upon that for myself, to become the legendary old matriarch. It would be nice to know I had a brood to take care of me when I'm senile and doddering (which I assume will happen 'round about age 44, the way I'm going).

I want the benefits of it, I suppose, but I don't want to actually have kids or procure them through adoption. I don't actually want to be a mom, although being a grandmother seems like a decent gig.

It's really hard to be so out of step with what the vast majority has. For a very VERY long time I just told myself that I was a late bloomer and eventually I'd want what everyone else wants.

But I'm 40, y'all, and while I do not rule out the unexpected, I can't forsee suddenly wanting to have a baby.

I know intellectually that it's okay to not want to have kids. I know intellectually that it doesn't make me a failure as a woman or a human. But the way it *feels*...FAIL.

Oh Steph, it makes me sad to hear you say that. I think it's a big problem that we've placed so much value on motherhood for women. There's nothing wrong with NOT wanting to have children, and it's good to know your own desires and own them in that way. I do know that society can make it hard to own that choice, but it's them that's wrong, not you.

I'm a HUGE fan of people who don't want kids not having them, really. I say go you.

I'm 50, now, and I get hit every now and then with "There's not going to be anyone gathered around me when I'm old and failing"--given the odds of Hubby surviving me would make Vegas giggle, that is.

So I regret the no kids thing at that moment, then I make myself consider what my life has been and mentally add in kids. And I shudder in horror. I know my weaknesses. I'm extremely selfish. Maybe I would have risen above it when confronted with helpless creatures depending on me, but I get impatient with cats who want my attention, I dread thinking about what I would have done with children. Especially children who--if anything like me--would have been looking for ways to be upsetting.

I made the decision with clear eyes and a cold heart. At this end of the reproductive years--you hear me, uterus! Be done with this, already!--I play "what if?" but in terms of that practicality that worries Hubby, I chose well.

I know intellectually that it's okay to not want to have kids. I know intellectually that it doesn't make me a failure as a woman or a human. But the way it *feels*...FAIL.

And the people who look at you with pity--stabbity stabbity.

What Burrell said.

And what Jesse said.

Tep, I hear you, societal pressure presses so hard sometimes it makes you wonder what it is you actually want. It's hard to swim against the tide. But dogs are cool, too.

And amyth and I can go out for $27 beers occasionally, since that's probably what they'll cost by then.

YOU GOT IT!

I feel like there's something DEEPLY, severely wrong with me that I don't want kids.

Maybe there's something DEEPLY right with you that you made this choice.