God Caught Backing Multiple GOP Candidates for President

After a thorough investigation, Daily Intel has discovered that God is separately backing at least three different contenders for the Republican presidential nomination. Over the course of the past few months and even years, God has sent signs and direct messages to each of these candidates encouraging them to run, presumably without telling them that he supports other candidates as well.

Heh.

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God hasn't been universally generous with his support. He went out of his way to let Mike Huckabee know that he shouldn't run for president, lest he take his focus off the much more important task of producing a series of conservative American history DVDs. And though God arranged for Sarah Palin to be chosen as John McCain's running mate in 2008, there's nothing to indicate that he backs her potential candidacy in 2012. Nevertheless, the fact that God has privately encouraged the candidacies of three different Republicans may cause voters to question whether, in reality, he really even has any preference at all.

God could not be reached for comment by press time, because, a spokesman says, he was helping a baseball player hit a game-winning home run, giving an old churchgoing lady the winning lottery numbers, making sure that a plane made it through the turbulence okay, helping someone survive a heart attack, and also, just for fun, creating a new animal that's like a cross between a leopard and an alligator.

Amy, the people who lived on the corner near the strip mall that contained the only stores in all of my hometown had the same problem with us kids. They ended up putting a little flower/rock garden thing in that corner and surrounded it with a white picket fence that extended about four feet out on each side of the corner. That took care of the kids driving through their lawn.

Surely so. I'd find the experience stressful and unpleasant, and I'm in full possession of my faculties.

ha!

Surely so. I'd find the experience stressful and unpleasant, and I'm in full possession of my faculties.

Addled with dementia might possibly be the best headspace in which to encounter Sarah Palin. But it's still a ridiculous notion.

Can I rant about Apple for a second? Why do they have all different kinds of connectors for different models?? A coworker just had to borrow my "dongle," so I can't use my external monitor, even though I have a spare dongle in my desk, because it's from an older computer and doesn't work with this kind. Annoying. Also, why do we call them dongles?

Also, why do we call them dongles?

What do you want to call them?

I don't know -- connector thingies? Apparently I never had a need to call them anything before I started working here.

Well, as Apple laptops got smaller, they had to come out with smaller and smaller video connectors.

I don't know -- connector thingies?

How is that an improvement on dongles?

Looks like the tech that worked on my computer the other day shut down the wireframe program without saving my document. Fuck. Back to drawing board.

How is that an improvement on dongles?

Hardly at all! Slightly less dirty-sounding?

Well, as Apple laptops got smaller, they had to come out with smaller and smaller video connectors.

Don't they know how inconvenient this is for me? And everyone else in my office, every time we are running all over the damn place looking for the right dongle?