Kaylee: H-how did you... g-get on...? Early: Strains the mind a bit, don't it? You think you're all alone. Maybe I come down the chimney, Kaylee. Bring presents to the good girls and boys.

'Objects In Space'


Natter 67: Overriding Vetoes  

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, nail polish, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


Tom Scola - Mar 22, 2011 6:40:11 am PDT #29533 of 30001
Mr. Scola’s wardrobe by Botany 500

Dude, the Mets are paying Castillo's salary to play for its divisional rivals. This can't end well.


Nora Deirdre - Mar 22, 2011 6:49:42 am PDT #29534 of 30001
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)

I feel a need to point out that radiation levels in food that exceed government standards does not necessarily mean "dangerous" levels, as the headlines say.

I just saw a FB posting from a friend that said:

let's just be clear on something-- the whole idea of "acceptable" levels of radiation is kind of bullshit, right?

I said (probably woefully inadequately)

Well, it depends on the context. We're exposed to radiation every time we fly on a plane, have an X-ray, or many other everyday situations. So, I actually do not believe that tracking and calibrating acceptable levels of radiation is bullshit- it's important to quantify what's damaging and what isn't.

her response was "yeah, but when there's radiation in your milk, that's probably a bit more problematic."

Are there any other points I can make or should I walk away?


Steph L. - Mar 22, 2011 7:00:09 am PDT #29535 of 30001
the hardest to learn / was the least complicated

Are there any other points I can make or should I walk away?

You say "One word: Spider-Man!" and walk away.

I am Twitchy McAnxious today, though, so just about anything would make me get all head-punch-y.


Consuela - Mar 22, 2011 7:02:42 am PDT #29536 of 30001
We are Buffistas. This isn't our first apocalypse. -- Pix

Nora, give her the link to XKCD's new radiation graphic. It's actually really informative, and might give her some perspective.


§ ita § - Mar 22, 2011 7:05:09 am PDT #29537 of 30001
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.

A crime against humanity and caninity.


Consuela - Mar 22, 2011 7:10:26 am PDT #29538 of 30001
We are Buffistas. This isn't our first apocalypse. -- Pix

So my parents the other day (who live in a retirement community about 25 minutes away) announced that they thought it would be a good idea for them to buy a house with me.

My mother is 80, and has Alzheimer's, and has very limited mobility. She's also subject to paralyzing levels of anxiety and must be on serious medication at all times. She cannot be left alone. My dad is 83 and while still active is starting to slip a bit cognitively.

I love my parents and I want them to live the last years of their lives in health and safety. My sister & I see them regularly, and the kids pay for someone to sit with my mother four mornings a week so my dad can get out.

Within a few years my dad should stop driving, probably. And my mother's back problems and general sedentary lifestyle mean that she's a fall risk. They're one broken ankle from disaster, frankly.

But I live alone, and I love living alone. I do my thing, I see friends and family when I want, I keep my independence. Living with my parents would mean losing that. I would pretty much be guaranteed to end up as their primary caregiver, even if we bring in outside help.

Which is not even getting into the difficulty of selling two houses and buying a new one.

But I feel guilty! Because I think my dad really wants more time with people other than his wife, and she's really really difficult to deal with.

Argh.


Connie Neil - Mar 22, 2011 7:13:52 am PDT #29539 of 30001
brillig

Granted, my husband's family resembles a dysfunctional wolf pack when it comes to interfamilial relations, but when his mother and sister bought a house together it degenerated into a lot of animosity and an eventual lawsuit.


Amy - Mar 22, 2011 7:14:51 am PDT #29540 of 30001
Because books.

Oh, Consuela, that's so hard. My mom went through that with her mom. Ultimately they'd probably be better off in an assisted living facility. They'd have more company, since you'd be at work full-time, and they'd also be set up if and when either of their health really starts to fail.

Not an easy conversation to have, though.


§ ita § - Mar 22, 2011 7:15:37 am PDT #29541 of 30001
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.

So my parents the other day (who live in a retirement community about 25 minutes away) announced that they thought it would be a good idea for them to buy a house with me.

I read your whole post and came back to this. It's their idea. Ouch. That lays all sorts of pressure on. Moving out of a retirement home and in with you doesn't seem like a step in a forward direction (assisted living does, though), honestly, unless you can provide care that professionals can't or won't. It seems like you have a good relationship with them, and see them a lot, and they aren't isolated from family, and that sounds like the best solution.

Of course this is all tainted with the guilt that I don't live in the same country as my aging parents and my sister does, and I feel like shit about it. But not enough, apparently.


Liese S. - Mar 22, 2011 7:19:22 am PDT #29542 of 30001
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."

I feel for you, Suela. I think we're close to this point ourselves. My dad's Parkinson's is progressing; he refuses to take medications, has started refusing appointments like the ophthalmologist (he has a macular hole that needs watching), hasn't left the house since Thanksgiving. My mom is tough and has been a caregiver her whole life, but she needs more than just sitting in the house.

I had this brief fantasy where my sister & brother-in-law would go, but a) he's the VP of a company, and probably couldn't leave and b) I suspect it would be a situation that was more stressful to my mom, ending up with her as on-call babysitter, than relieving.

So it's probably us. But right now, I can't even conceive of leaving here and our kiddoes and our work and our awesome house. And to do what? What job would allow us to be secondary caregivers?

It's all hard.

There's got to be a balance we can strike between eldercare and our lives. My parents' generation didn't hit it; they just sacrificed everything. And I don't want to do that, but not to is to not do what they did for me.