Both sides know that when I kick I want them in black and hats and veils and arm bands and RENDING THEIR CLOTHING. Ten points if you throw yourself on my coffin.

The only way this can be made better is if you agree to be buried inside a jumping castle.

ball pit

with all black balls

Gigantic whoopie cushion.

You aren't really getting the dignity here, william

In general, you shouldn't wear black to a wedding (or a funeral for that matter, unless you are particularly close to the family).

Not black to a funeral? I've never heard that.

Weird. I always assumed that black was a safe default for a funeral. And while it's always said to not wear black to a wedding, the LBD seems to be popular for evening weddings. Though we are crass Midwesterners.

Really, the only color at a wedding that I give the stinkeye to is anyone other than the bride (or groom, I suppose) wearing white, *IF* the bride (or groom) is wearing white. I think it just looks fucking tacky, like you're trying to be bride-like, too. And I include beach weddings in that blanket statement.

Seriously, I was in a wedding where the bride wore white...and so did the groom's mother. With sequins. She looked like the opening act, not the mother of the groom. The bride was pissed.

ball pit

Bazinga!

My cousin was a pissed off bride when her MiL-to-be showed up in a fuschia minidress.

I felt for her. She'd really been a pretty undemanding and asked very nicely that the mothers go with something in the very autumnal wedding pallet. She'd hated that MotB dress when it was full-length and she saw the pictures in the first place -- then C got it anyway and chopped it about six inches above her 55 year old knees. (Please note, my cousin's MiL? Not Tina Turner) Talk about trying to draw focus.

My cousin, to her credit, kept it together. She bitched once to me about the pictures looking rediculous and then dropped it and got on with a beautiful day.

And C really DOES look like a sore thumb in the pictures.

Back in the day (and I really just mean the late 80s on into the 90s), my mom dressed like a hoochie. She had the body for it, and she was only in her early- to mid-40s. But I had a recurring fear that, if I ever married, she would turn up at the wedding in a tight, short, spangly dress and 4-inch stiletto heels. I mean, she thought those were acceptable to wear to weddings at which she was a guest, so I assumed that she'd want one even shorter, tighter, and spangly-er if she were the MotB, so she could really SHINE. After all, it would be HER day, right?

These days she dresses like a hippie, in long flowing loose embroidered dresses and comfortable sandals. So my fears are allayed.

he only way this can be made better is if you agree to be buried inside a jumping castle.

OMG, I am now picturing people in black throwing themselves into an open grave...and suddenly FLYING BACK OUT. Like some sort of crazy cartoon. I love it.

I'm going with the "black to funerals, no white to weddings" Midwestern type plan. That may be influenced by the fact that I am wearing a "317" shirt that my sister just sent me for Christmas, so I am extra repping the midwest right now (it's the Indianapolis area code)