I couldn't even hear what she was saying through the tears, but I think she said she cries herself to sleep every night. She's going crazy, she said.

...I...just...

...."GOING"??!?!?

Sweet baby Jesus, Polter.

We're proud of you, but it's not the same, I know.

...I...just...

...."GOING"??!?!?

I felt really sorry for her there. I'm going crazy too. I know what it's like.

Also, she hasn't eaten rice in two years, apparently. And she won't until I get married. I told her to go ahead and eat rice since she misses it, but, you know, some people juggle geese.

This is the primary argument for doing what is right for you, rather than trying to meet the demands of others. It's a bottomless well of tears that never dries up.

I know they will always find new things to be disappointed in, but this seems to be THE BIGGEST AND MOST CRITICAL THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, so getting it right would be...better than not, I guess. Even though I want to do it my way, not their way. Of course, at the same time they place so much importance on it, they also frame it as this One Little Thing they are asking me to do after they gave me all the freedoms in the world before now.

Wow, P-C that is just awful. Was your brother there or are they not even speaking to him? I didn't realize you were trying to find a wife on your own; I thought you had decided you were not ready to be married.

P-C's family is especially stressful right now, but I don't think family life ever runs smoothly for long. There is always money or health or anger or job loss or expectations or SOMETHING to stir things up. That's just what life is.

Was your brother there or are they not even speaking to him?

This was the ride to the airport, which I knew would be terrible. They never found the time to have The Talk when all three kids were together, fortunately or unfortunately. They speak to my brother, but obviously tensions are high. He doesn't stay the night, and that's all they care about. Even when he comes to the house at nine in the morning and stays till the afternoon, it doesn't count since he doesn't stay the night. They think he doesn't stay because he's "ashamed" of his white girlfriend, but I told them it's because they make him uncomfortable, and they replied that we only care about our own feelings and not theirs. My mom says she still loves him because he's her son, but...I don't remember the but.

I didn't realize you were trying to find a wife on your own

I've messaged Indian girls on OKCupid, and I went out on a couple dates with one. I'm not trying very hard, though. I've joined several Indian groups on Meetup.com but haven't gone to many of the events.

I thought you had decided you were not ready to be married.

I'm not, but there's nothing I can do about that. Who knows when I'll be ready? I don't even know what ready is. How am I supposed to know if I've never even had a relationship before?

There is always money or health or anger or job loss or expectations or SOMETHING to stir things up.

Sadly, this. After all the various dramas my family has been fairly chill recently (I'm already gay, my sister is already married to the Old Black Muslim, my brother has already moved to Europe, so there's only so much more we can do)...and even still, my mother is apparently bitching at my sister that she wants grandbabies, EVEN THOUGH she knows they have fertility issues!! (And when my sister finally sniped back "well, if you want them so bad give me the money for IVF!" my mom said she would, but dad wouldn't approve!! WTF?)

they also frame it as this One Little Thing they are asking me to do after they gave me all the freedoms in the world before now.

Right. I can totally see why they would say this...buuuuutttt...I seem to recall other things being the one little thing...or the BIGGEST THING EVER, at other times. So, yeah. No basis in logic.

Not that logic is required, but it's nice to hang onto when the madness creeps closer.

P-C, perhaps you should explain to your father that it will be bad for his career when people discover his wife is batshit crazy. What does he say to his patients who say they can't be happy because their children won't do what they say?

I don't even know what ready is. How am I supposed to know if I've never even had a relationship before?

P-C, I know this is really hard -- hurting family that you love, even unintentionally, always is -- but this is key.

A marriage is a big deal. Really. And you deserve to find someone to love and enjoy spending your life with on your time and your own terms, and not to make anyone happy but yourself.

I know it's not easy, though. I do. And I do know you love them. But you really have to think hard about what you want and what will make *you* happy. It's your life, and you only get one.