This whole conversation has made me very uncomfortable because there seems to be an unspoken assumption that Bonny is somehow entitled to this woman's friendship because of a relationship they've had in the past, and I really don't believe that's ever the case, in any relationship.

I don't believe that either, and I never made any such assumption. K. has just as much right to walk away as Bonny.

I think there is a misunderstanding. K. does indeed have the right to walk away. In some ways, I feel she has already done so, as evidenced by her move to another part of the country, and by her lack of follow-through on actually spending time with bonny since the move - particularly the way in which she kept bonny dangling re: a face-to-face visit while she was in town. Part of what we are trying to help bonny hash out, is how to end the uneven exchange of energies, how much bonny needs to explain herself to K., and what kind of obligation bonny has to keep lines of communication open. At least that is what I was seeing.

my mother, who understands that people feel differently than she does, she just thinks that they're wrong.

This made me laugh and laugh. Your mom sounds very familiar to me!

I wish I knew how to teach empathy. Are there any good resources on this?

I don't think you have to be good at reading other's emotions in order to empathize. I think they are complementary but not always paired.

I don't think you have to be good at reading other's emotions in order to empathize. I think they are complementary but not always paired.

Yeah, after thinking about it, I agree. I think I can be very empathetic if I know and understand the feeling the person is going through. But I often need to be told what the person is going through first.

I think I can be very empathetic if I know and understand the feeling the person is going through. But I often need to be told what the person is going through first.

Yes, exactly! Or someone could perfectly understand what another person is feeling and just not care.

I would think that learning how to read emotional signals would be similar to learning another language. That it would be way harder to do as you get older but not impossible.

I have a hard time making eye-contact with people, so that's probably part of my problem right there.

personally, I always find myself looking at peoples' lips rather than eyes. Do most people look deeply into the eyes of someone they're talkin to?

It can. But it's not easy, and it's not enjoyable.

How does one learn that?

Um. Believe it or not, I don't want to turn this conversation, which has been about someone else and her needs, into one that's all memememe. (I say "believe it or not," because I do tend to turn everything into My Life And How This Topic Affects Me. I am aware of that.)

I'm also having a hard time finding the words to explain it, partly because it makes me sound like a sociopath (which, hey, maybe I am).

Do most people look deeply into the eyes of someone they're talkin to?

I don't. So I never notice people's eye color.

Do most people look deeply into the eyes of someone they're talkin to?

Not the whole time cuz that's creepy!

nope...I've lived that. You're not.