This is an impasse, and the onus is on her to change, because the truth is, you've already moved on.
I do feel I have to respond in this woman's defense - I don't see where there's an onus on her to do anything. If the ball is in her court, she has every right to leave it there and walk away.
This whole conversation has made me very uncomfortable because there seems to be an unspoken assumption that Bonny is somehow entitled to this woman's friendship because of a relationship they've had in the past, and I really don't believe that's ever the case, in any relationship.
Hands Seska a cuppa
I'm sorry you had to go to that stressful meeting. I hope their fixes help.
Jessica, I actually totally agree with you. No one is entitled to anyone's friendship simply because they have been connected.
Clearly, it would be impossible to articulate everything about my friendship with K but there is one of two things I DO feel entitled to. Either follow-through on agreements about the way we are to communicate OR a clear message that the agreement no longer stands. That is honest and fair.
As a point of reference, before K moved to AZ, I suggested that we scale back our connection because I'm acutely aware of how things can shift for people. She reacted completely opposite of what I expected. "NO, NO. You are my most important friend and I won't lose you or ever stop being your friend."
I confess to hearing what I wanted to hear.
The crappy communication thing was annoying, but not fatal. Telling me that she would be there for me when I was sick and then blowing me off. That was fatal.
You are right. I'm not entitled to anyone staying connected to me, but I am entitled to honesty and, heaven's forswear, a little respect.
bonny, I am logging in from France just to tell you that you were not stupid. Love and friendship require risks and sometimes they just don't pay off. You're awesome and I hope to meet you offline soon.
Thanks Java! Me too, you.
And France! How lovely. A good friend is flying to London for Thanksgiving and will 'chunnel' her way to Paris the day after. I am positively thrilled for her.
Her -for all intends and purposes- stepdaughter is interning at the Old Globe. How cool is that?
Which leads me to a question for anyone who has ever been to that theatre. I recently watched an episode of "Time Team", a Brit show about architecture. They showed the inside of the Globe during a rain storm. Were my eyes deceiving me, or is there no roof?
Huh. A venue in Britain with no roof. Do plays go on in the rain?
There is no roof. They needed the natural light for the performances.
They needed the natural light for the performances.
Of course. That makes sense.
I guess, if performances do go on in the rain, that just adds to the adventure.
You guys need to post links like that to the tumblr.
I don't have a tumblr account.
She IS so sensitive to her own fears and defenses that she cannot be sensitive to the emotional needs of others. Given her closer relationships with some truly difficult people, that makes sense.
I'll note here that it took me a long time to realize that we have different words for "sympathetic" and "empathetic" for a reason.
Somebody can be naturally sympathetic, expressing concern or compassion for your plight without being empathetic - being able to read, or know your emotions. This can lead to a lot of confusion and tension when somebody who has been sympathetic turns out to be not so empathetic.
I don't think it's necessarily something that can be learned. Some people are just better are reading those feelings.
