Spike's Bitches 46: Don't I get a cookie?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
So if Being There For Each Other is missing, then it's got a lot less to fall back on.
It does seem occasionally like you are disappointed when people can't read you, or know your needs. You have an expectation that they're not fulfilling. That's almost always a communication issue because people process things in different ways.
This is gold, David. You are absolutely right.
My 'story' is that I bend so far backwards to help people fix their communication problems and I am so, incredibly clear about my needs...really to the point of being ridiculous with the 'It's okay with me if you don't want x or y, I am soooo openminded.'
But then, there comes a point where the crick in the back just doesn't seem worth it. This is me totally whining, and accepting the childishness of it, but now and then I want a line that I don't have to cross for someone else.
I HAVE experienced straight up, down to the bone honesty from emotionally courageous folks. It's intoxicating and I have to look into why I don't seem to cast those folks in the leading roles in my life.
As a person who has been told "You are no long of value to me, please stop communicating with me," I applaud your willingness to at least have communications.
bonny, it sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind about her, after a series of disappointments and hurts. I think I was assuming there was a hope that things might be salvaged between the two of you. But it sounds like that's not the case.
So the question you're asking is, what should you say next? Which leads me to wonder, is there anything else you want from her at this point? Is there anything else that she could do or say that would help to bridge the gap between you? If so, then I'd say you should tell her that. If not, then I'd say you should tell her that too.
And I totally get the desire to have someone in your life who YOU can depend on, instead of always being that person for others and not getting the same in return. I can understand how frustrating it must be not to get that support from her.
Which leads me to wonder, is there anything else you want from her at this point? Is there anything else that she could do or say that would help to bridge the gap between you? If so, then I'd say you should tell her that. If not, then I'd say you should tell her that too.
Thanks, Kate. I don't need anything, I don't think. But what could bridge the gap for me is an acknowledgment that, even if she doesn't agree, my feelings are worthy of discussion and acceptance. I would talk to her on the phone if she offered.
I totally claim my petulance over the video thing. It feels a bit too much like being called onto the carpet and, frankly, too little too late.
What is true is that I could be focusing on what I want, rather than feeling hard done by her past behavior. If the Wizard were to grant my wish it would be to hear her drop the defensive tone, acknowledge my hurt and offer to find something that would work for us both. No more or less than I have done for her before.
I am almost always the Conscientious one in my meatspace friendships(E from Entourage, right?)
loyal, inclined to befriend people who are much prettier than I am.
inclined to befriend people who are much prettier than I am.
This is totally me. With far superior fashion sense too. I very much enjoy that.
Oh facebook. I knew you would break my heart. 7th grade best friend just told me my ex hasn't dated anyone since we broke up in 2000. I hope the truth is just that he doesn't feel like talking about who he's dating with 7gbf. Why do I feel like bawling?
Just had another asthma attack while teaching. This time, the inhaler didn't help enough, and I had to dismiss the class. I'm going to go to a doctor to see if I have bronchitis, which is what I suspect. Walk-in clinic doesn't open for another hour and a half, so I'm just hanging around in my office for a little while, trying to breathe.
I had this friend who had a difficult time accepting criticism - he would just get very defensive and angry. Meanwhile, I found it difficult to offer criticism to friends. (OK, I still kinda' do.)
Once we had this conversation:
Me: Sometimes I don't tell you things that bother me because I'm afraid you'll get really mad.
Friend: I've never been so insulted in my life.
And nope, he wasn't being ironic.
A few years later he became sorta' obsessed with this nude beach. On a very nice summer day, he asked me to drive him there. I told him I was very depressed that day, that it was the most depressed and upset I'd been in years, and he could borrow my car if he wanted but I wasn't going to drive him there. He got all mad and told me that in the future he wasn't going to be as indulgent to what I wanted anymore.
That was a very weird friendship. At one point he had been in love with me; when he was over that, he was suddenly more critical (and sometimes mean) towards me.
I hope the truth is just that he doesn't feel like talking about who he's dating with 7gbf.
That seems likely, Laga. But, even if he hasn't been in another significant relationship, it might not necessarily a bad thing.
What makes you sad about it?
