I suffer badly from wanting to say exactly the right thing and ending up saying nothing at all.

Sigh, yeah.

I suffer badly from wanting to say exactly the right thing and ending up saying nothing at all.

During my last year of law school, a close friend (who was also in her last year of law school) lost her mother. I was lucky to find a card that said, in effect, "I don't know what to say, but I offer sympathy."

And Shir, yes -- Max is the same one who's suffered the lung infection and the nasal cancer.

I found Dan through OKC, so it does work. I know a few people married through it.

*raises hand* Like me! In, um, six days and six hours. Not that I'm counting!

Would a disclaimer that says "I suk @ grammer and puntuation n speling" help?

Argh, no! You're probably joking about this, but seriously, that would cause me to click away IMMEDIATELY.

Steph, I'm sorry your friend hasn't followed up with you after your email. For what it's worth, planning a wedding really is a lot of stress-making busywork, and she may be wanting to wait until she really has the time and focus to send you a thoughtful reply or make a lengthy phone call. I don't really know the situation, of course, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry; I guess I'm just holding out hope that she will eventually come through.

In, um, six days and six hours.

Holy shit.

I know!

That's crazy! You're getting married and Amy just moved into her new house and Noah's in pre-school.

Life events are occurring!

Not around here.

I suffer badly from wanting to say exactly the right thing and ending up saying nothing at all.

I understand this - I really do. I'm not Miss Tact and Courtesy myself. It's just when I said this very sentence to a friend few years back, she said that just picking up the phone or just showing up at a Shivah (I don't know - maybe showing up at a Shivah or give a call is the Israeli parallel of sending a card, because I wasn't familiar with the latter), and just listening is enough. And from my experience, I found out she is right. That solve me hours of self doubts about what's the right thing to do or say. I don't think there isn't a right thing that suits all. So I just pick up the phone, and go with the flow. I had one or two grieving friends who wanted a break from everything with a non-that-close-friend, and preferred to discuss what I'm cooking or a movie they've watched that week for two minutes, and not necessarily the funeral or person. It changes from person to person. But I think that a lot of people are just grateful for the direct attention, never mind its content.

A friend who is just about as paralyzed with disorganization and doubt as I am has a good friend who is a personal organizer. One thing the personal organizer had told my friend is that the most important rule is "Just do something."

I keep trying to remember that.

Context matters, though. I was glad Vortex was Vortex when I told her upon the death of her dad that it was "easy for me to forget that in some families this was not an occasion to wipe down the phone and get your story straight" Outside of Bitches, this would be horrifying, probably. But hopefully Bitches would take this as an expression of a. sympathy
b. a little jealousy of the tight bond between Vortex and her dad, which, obviously, my dad and I never had.
(I've mentioned before that inappropriate humor helps me cope, right?) I fell in love with A Year On The Killing Streets because Landsman stands over a body wishing he had a patch kit for the dead man's "Slow leak".