That's crazy! You're getting married and Amy just moved into her new house and Noah's in pre-school.

Life events are occurring!

Not around here.

I suffer badly from wanting to say exactly the right thing and ending up saying nothing at all.

I understand this - I really do. I'm not Miss Tact and Courtesy myself. It's just when I said this very sentence to a friend few years back, she said that just picking up the phone or just showing up at a Shivah (I don't know - maybe showing up at a Shivah or give a call is the Israeli parallel of sending a card, because I wasn't familiar with the latter), and just listening is enough. And from my experience, I found out she is right. That solve me hours of self doubts about what's the right thing to do or say. I don't think there isn't a right thing that suits all. So I just pick up the phone, and go with the flow. I had one or two grieving friends who wanted a break from everything with a non-that-close-friend, and preferred to discuss what I'm cooking or a movie they've watched that week for two minutes, and not necessarily the funeral or person. It changes from person to person. But I think that a lot of people are just grateful for the direct attention, never mind its content.

A friend who is just about as paralyzed with disorganization and doubt as I am has a good friend who is a personal organizer. One thing the personal organizer had told my friend is that the most important rule is "Just do something."

I keep trying to remember that.

Context matters, though. I was glad Vortex was Vortex when I told her upon the death of her dad that it was "easy for me to forget that in some families this was not an occasion to wipe down the phone and get your story straight" Outside of Bitches, this would be horrifying, probably. But hopefully Bitches would take this as an expression of a. sympathy
b. a little jealousy of the tight bond between Vortex and her dad, which, obviously, my dad and I never had.
(I've mentioned before that inappropriate humor helps me cope, right?) I fell in love with A Year On The Killing Streets because Landsman stands over a body wishing he had a patch kit for the dead man's "Slow leak".

I was glad Vortex was Vortex when I told her upon the death of her dad that it was "easy for me to forget that in some families this was not an occasion to wipe down the phone and get your story straight"

Exactly! And it made me laugh, which I needed.

I, too, suffer from the fear of knowing what to say, further hampered by the fact that it all sounds so cliche. I've mostly made peace with the fact that it's cliched for a reason and just try to let what is in my heart come out, hoping that sincerity will gloss over any poor wording choices.

Gronk. Was back at Nora's by 11 last night, but was so revved from second-lining that I didn't fall asleep until 1 or so. That meant I didn't wake up until almost 11, so my grand plan of working at a cafe on Magazine is not to happen today. So I'll just research stuff here until it's time to go see The Big Uneasy. DJ, if you're around, I hung out with KR last night and had a grand old time. I so adore her - thanks for making the intro back in March.

I do usually wind up sending *something* (card, email, etc) that says "Sorry for your loss" or "Thinking of you" etc etc. It just feels so inadequate.

(And no, I can't call. I have phone fear.)

DJ, if you're around, I hung out with KR last night and had a grand old time. I so adore her - thanks for making the intro back in March.

I'm so glad! I wish her sister weren't in Seattle for a wedding. I'm sure she would've liked to have seen you as well. But, yeah those two are really some of my favorite family, and we're the closest cousins in age, so we pretty much grew up together during those magic summers/holidays at my grandparents. Daddy was the one who taught them how to throw a football.

the most important rule is "Just do something."

On more than one occasion I have written "I wish there was an emoticon for 'sitting quietly nearby'". Because the emotions conveyed with various forms of virtual hugs... well it is a warmth and closeness, but sometimes you want to tell someone you are there, you are with them... except, of course, you aren't in the same time zone.