{{{{{sj}}}}
I sacrificed a lot some years to afford Christmas presents for my nephews in Ohio after I had moved to Arizona on the grounds that at least once a year, my siblings would have to say, "Now this is from your Aunt Andi, you know, the one who lives in the desert and likes cats...." Because I feared that same heartbreak, sj.
Sean, I hate that people have the power to harm us in ways like that, so deeply, so permanently - when the best thing to do would be to erase their importance from our lives, by erasing the dirty footprints they leave on our hearts and minds - not allowing the damage to exist. But we don't work that way. The damage gets done, and there is no way to pay them back properly for what they have done. You did not deserve what you have suffered. You don't deserve the continuing pain. I hope that someday you will have a satisfying life, and can be proud that you did not let this kill you.