{{{{{Sean}}}}} I'm so sorry you went through.

Barb much -ma for dealing with the crazy lady.

Sean, the same thing happened to me in grad school and the damage still lingers 26 years later. I empathize so deeply that I'm posting through tears that are not all on your account.

I can tell you that it is survivable. I would like to say it gets better, but I'm still alone and reluctant to even try to get involved again.

My hope is that the good people here are a comfort to you that I never had. And that their help will bring you more hope than I feel.

Today was the rehersal dinner and a very emotional day. I'm beat.

Thanks for the ~ma, guys. And sorry I've been so sunk into the whacked out me-ness that I've been a bad Buffista family member.

Sean, I've not met you in person (not for lack of trying, mind you), but itpisses me off that anyone would try to speak for me, and that terrible woman saying that no one likes you has way fucking overstepped her bounds. I like you in all the ways that matter. I think you're fiercely intelligent and thoughtful and articulate and just a nice person. I don't expect that these words will make any difference or serve as anything more than maybe a temporary balm, but I wanted you to know that in my world, these are the things that matter.

I really do not want to be here working this shitty show with this shitty stage manager. Aside from all the stuff that's already making this a joyless chore, tonight the restaurant I tried to get dinner from took my order and then fucked off, so I get no dinner.

I don't want to be here. I want to be home in bed crying.

Thanks, Barb.

I don't understand people who spend years on playing mind games on someone. What the hell is the reward for something like this? Is there nothing else in their lives that will give them any pleasure? Wastes of protoplasm. And when there are people who could make such better use of their organs, too.

Sean, if I haven't said it recently, I'd really like to meet you f2f someday.

My nephew J didn't really know who I was when I saw him today. This really shouldn't be any surprise to me, but I am still crying like an idiot.

{{{{{sj}}}}

I sacrificed a lot some years to afford Christmas presents for my nephews in Ohio after I had moved to Arizona on the grounds that at least once a year, my siblings would have to say, "Now this is from your Aunt Andi, you know, the one who lives in the desert and likes cats...." Because I feared that same heartbreak, sj.

Sean, I hate that people have the power to harm us in ways like that, so deeply, so permanently - when the best thing to do would be to erase their importance from our lives, by erasing the dirty footprints they leave on our hearts and minds - not allowing the damage to exist. But we don't work that way. The damage gets done, and there is no way to pay them back properly for what they have done. You did not deserve what you have suffered. You don't deserve the continuing pain. I hope that someday you will have a satisfying life, and can be proud that you did not let this kill you.

WS, I send gifts and call, but he was 18 months when they moved and I have only seen he a couple of times since. He's five now and I think his associations to me are vague. D was much older when he moved and I hope will always remember all the times we spent together going to the movies, etc. And of course my brain automatically has to keep thinking of more said things like the fact that T's future kids won't know me either and mine won't know her. Stupid brain.