Jesus, Sean. I know "I'm sorry, that's completely fucked" isn't much, but cripes.

That. And if you'll ever meet someone from that gang when I'm around, Sean, I want you to point them out to me. Not sure what I'll do, but I'm sure it'll be Things I Learned in the IDF (yay, pressure points!).

Nothing on Sean's scale, but I had a best friend for a few years. We also worked together. We agreed on almost everything. And then, when I consulted another friend on a work-related thing I wasn't sure about (she told me something has to be done in a certain way, I didn't agree), she freaked out, told me I've betrayed her (in those words) and steered up a huge fight. She later told me (for the breaking up was a few months process) that if I have doubts, I should keep them between the two of us and never tell anyone else.

I'll take Definitions of Unhealthy Relationships in 500$, Alex.

Today I know she wasn't grown enough to accept that being a friend doesn't mean being a mirror of the other person. But that hurt. Coming to think of that, I didn't have a Best Friend ever since.

Edit just to say it again: Sean - you deserve to be loved. {{{}}}

My brain is in such a tizzy over this I can't even form a coherent thought. Dear god, Sean, that must have been horrible and you don't deserve that.

Some people are just mean, thoughtless shits and it sucks that they're able to do so much damage to good people.

What so many others have said...it was courageous of you to post that, Sean. And it is definitely that woman's issues, not yours. I know that saying that doesn't make it feel any less hurtful but I think with time it'll hurt less and you'll come to realize more and more that that was a deeply fucked up person whose words should not be given any weight due to the source. I'm glad you're getting some therapeutic help getting through this. And you will get through this.

time

Time. Yeah, time.....

Thanks though, Spidra. And everyone. It helps. I wish I could say it all helps more. That it helps a lot. That it makes me better. Please don't take it personally (as I've had one other person do during all this), if it doesn't, though.

Because I need the little. Even if it isn't a lot. I need the little.

Sean, I wanted you to know I'm reading and thinking of you. Not good with the words when it comes to the feelings, me. But I know what depression is like - and I think you were courageous to post, too.

The words are good because they're there, Spidra. Not because of what they are.

In my personal experience, the "random cheerfully racist and don't you agree with me, perfect stranger?" behavior happens to me more away from the lovely liberal urban edges. It's not that racist shit doesn't occur at home, but its not with the same sort of blatant assumed camaraderie when it does.

Like the other day I was paying a bill here on the phone in central Florida. The guy on the other end of the phone knows my Aunt and inquired as to how she was doing up there in NY. I gave him an update and we talked about how good it is that her insurance is covering all of this -- he owns the small business I was paying and he'd be wiped out by something like this. She's a retired teacher, I pointed out, with a good union... then he starts going OFF on how, if you're a minority the government just pays for everything! I got to hear about how blacks and all those illegal mexicans get it all for free. Like, for a while.

I'm all, "Um, yeah... I don't know that it so much works that way..."

Or the time on a Greyhound going through Virgina when I started to sit down next to a black dude and the white woman three rows back starts up with an exaggerated stage whisper that I NEEDED TO COME SIT WITH HER!!!!!

Um, yeah... I'll sit here, thanks...

People will certainly be racist pricks at home, but they tend to start slow, "well you know..." before they tell me that since I'm a big girl I could consider dating black guys...

To that I can reply that I've dated people from any number of ethnicities, and I really don't see what the big deal is, thanks. And look at them like they're INSANE. But I'm a little at a loss when the assumption is that I'm going to rant along.

Sean - I am appalled at what that woman and your ex-friend put you through.