Spike's Bitches 46: Don't I get a cookie?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Zenkitty: [link]
Just went out to a lovely birthday lunch at Green Goddess with Tom. Hooray! I had 2 cocktails and he drove me back to the office. Hooray!
Re: villifying, etc. I spend pretty much all my time assuming I am the one who has made the mistake, who is in the wrong. It's nice to be able to go to the one place ever at all that will validate what I am feeling within reason.
In smonster's case, I honestly believe that the roommate was pushing some significant boundaries, got called on it by smonster, and then backtracked so she didn't seem fully insane. I don't think she's an evil person, and in fact Tom and I agreed that we would probably do much the same thing if we were called out on our crazy shit.
Therefore, I don't actually believe that smonster was being over-react-y drama queen as she assumed after her interaction. I said so. That's about the size of it.
People suck a lot, and good people we love sometimes do sucky things. It's nice to have a place to blow of steam about it without hurting anyone's feelings. If that's too... unrealistic or annoying, then OK. Good to know.
will that young woman be in the picture or likely not?
I don't know. I know she's being considered for the role, but that the filmmakers want to do a full round of casting.
strong antibiotics can make you feel as bad or worse than what you're taking them for, sadly.
This is sadly true.
I think that support in Bitches sometimes spills over into demonizing whoever or whatever makes a Buffista feel bad, and that can hinder getting to a healthy place. I think we all need a reality check sometimes and sometimes it seems to me that we (Buffistas) fail to do that.
Yup, this is absolutely true. It's sometimes hard to know from a distance how best to be supportive, and we definitely do the pile-on here.
I did this, in a way, with my student on his way to Chicago. He kept saying stuff like, "I'm scared," and I was too quick to jump in with "You'll be fine." Which, while supportive, wasn't actually what he needed. I finally twigged to it at the airport and managed to ask, "Ok, what exactly is scaring you right at this moment?" and then we got to a productive conversation.
So maybe here we can take a breath to step back and ask some questions when we're getting ready to engage with something. And maybe we can give each other permission to ask, do you just want validation here or can you hear some advice. That's a bit of a hard question to respond to, but maybe if we give permission up front for it to be asked, we can hear it without it sounding like an accusation?
Thanks, Teppy! I have taken cipro before, and haven't noticed increased pain, but I'll keep it in mind. I usually avoid alcohol when I am taking an antibiotic, but dinner with the in-laws this weekend...
Happy Birthday, Nora!
And re: Bitch dogpile, yeah, I try to be even handed, but it's hard to know sometimes when someone needs a full-on Tino validation with invective, and when they need a check/advice.
But, ya know, we're never going to get it right in every situation, and think about how great it is that we even question when the dogpile v. check/advice is appropo.
So, as long as we keep questioning ourselves and our needs situations/reactions as individuals and as a community, I think it's good.
Oh, yeah - Happy Birthday Nora!!!
Happy birthday, Nora!
People suck a lot, and good people we love sometimes do sucky things. It's nice to have a place to blow of steam about it without hurting anyone's feelings. If that's too... unrealistic or annoying, then OK. Good to know.
I don't think that's what anyone is saying. It's more about the automatic assumption that everyone is just venting and wants to blow off steam, and therefore wants everyone to respond with the most colorful invectives ever, rather than asking if someone wants advice rather than validation.
Because we all truly support each other, the validation can sometimes veer to the beyond reasonable stage. And that unfortunately takes all of the gray out of things.
(Hi pot, I'm kettle. We're both black.)
It does sometimes seem extrme, but I think many of us are used to thinking that we're the ones at fault and jump on the pile to balance against that assumption.
That's my two-cents worth, anyway.
