I now have a temporary crown on my root canal-ed tooth. I have to say, the actual dental care is quite good, but their people skills leave me snarly. It's a giant dental complex with branches in 5 or 6 parts of town, so I think turnover of patients (and dentists) is high. And based on that, I think they gear their people "skills" (such as they are) toward a "disposable patient," probably-won't-see-them-again attitude. With a little "the patient is dumber than a box of rocks and knows nothing about dentistry or their own body" sprinkled on top.

Because first, when I had the root canal last week, the endodontist was STUNNED that I requested pain meds. The dentist today told me that the endodontist never prescribes them, ever (with the implication of "What exactly did you tell him in order to get drugs?"). Then when I told the dentist today that I still had some soreness from the root canal, she reacted like I had been punching my own face for a week. "You SHOULDN'T be having PAIN after such a LONG PERIOD of time!" she exclaimed.

"Uh...a week?" I asked.

"No!" she said. "You should be sore for A DAY, maybe two if it was a really complicated procedure!"

"Well," I said, "I had pain and cold sensitivity for 8 months prior to the root canal, and I don't consider residual discomfort after only 1 week to be extraordinary."

"You must have a LOW pain tolerance!" she said.

The whole tenor of the conversation was that *I* had done something wrong by...still being sore from my tooth being excavated for 90 minutes. (I figured if I told them that everything I read online -- from actual dental practices -- actually contradicted their YOU MUST BE PAIN FREE IN ONE DAY OR YOU ARE A LIAR stance, they would be pissed and also tell me that dental advice from the Internet is unreliable.)

I think they must have such high volume of patients that they have one standard approach to patient interaction, and that's that.

So, I need to finish up with a permanent crown, and like I said, the actual dental care is perfectly good. Once the crown is done, I'm going to find another dentist, because I really don't enjoy being treated like an idiot drug addict who causes my own pain. And I'm going to let them know that's why I'm leaving.

Medical people are crazy in regard to pain meds.

Wishing you a quick and as pain-free as possible recovery. I've had one root canal (and a bunch of crowns, several of which were more painful than the root canal). Steph, it's possible that the nerves other than the one killed in the procedure have been so sensitized that they're still hurting you.

After years of being mauled by two different dentists - at least the second one was competent, if brutal - I found the bestest dentist evah. Looked like your favorite grandfather and was so, so gentle. Then he retired ... after only 60 years in practice! slacker!

Christ I realize how lucky I am with dentists. They always offer meds, and give that I react badly to most pain meds work hard to find ones that don't make me sick. Why is that not routine with dentists and dental surgeons?

No shit, Steph.

I'd be all "Dude, I lived with excruciating back pain for X years before I got surgery, AND I have IBS. I have a pretty HIGH pain threshold, and I don't appreciate being told what my body does or does not feel, and I prefer not to pay my money to a dental group who is condescending about normal, humane pain management. Especially since I work intensively with pharmaceutical literature professionally and am very up-to-date on medical norms and procedures. SUCK IT, BEEYOTCHES."

What Erin said. Word for word.

smonster,

I'm an introvert, but I can present as an extrovert for short periods of time. such presentation takes a LOT of energy and so when I come home, I don't really want to talk a whole lot. Beau I think has figured this out over the years, but I would never tell him, please don't be in this space.

What I don't get is if you are quietly at the table or cooking, then what really is the problem?

I feel sorry for your roommate because it sounds roomie is going through a rough spot, but you definitely should not feel badly about being in your own fucking home.

Judge Judy would be yelling at your roomie full boar over this.

Can you put in a room divider (those accordion-looking things?) instead of a curtain?

What I don't get is if you are quietly at the table or cooking, then what really is the problem?

Oh, I've been in that place before, where just the knowledge of someone's proximity gets under your skin. That's why I suspect a curtain won't actually help. (Help her, I mean. It would at least give smonster some mental space.)

Difference is, when that happens I understand that it is my issue.

It just seems like it's come up all of a sudden. I guess this anniversary, whatever it is, has lowered her capacity to deal, because when we were both unemployed we'd hang out and chat happily for good long chunks of time. I can't think of anything that I've done that would have pissed her off.

I mean, if I need to not hang out in the kitchen, fine. But cooking, washing dishes, and eating? I kind of need to do those things there.

I was having such a good week, and now I just want to sleep. And not be around her. And I have a lot I need to do this weekend.

I guess this anniversary, whatever it is, has lowered her capacity to deal,

Which is all fine and good. We all have thresholds and quirks. But again, this is where some self-awareness and consideration can go a long way. If, knowing this anniversary was coming up, she'd said to you, "Hey, you know, I'm going to be coming up on some hard times emotionally and may need to retreat from humanity in order to deal," I'm fairly certain you would've understood and asked what she needed. Even better would have been if she had actually taken the initiative and explained what she might need in the way of space and you guys could have put your heads together and come to a compromise.

Not drop it on you via a fucking text, fer chrissakes and then telling you not to "linger" in your own goddamned kitchen.

Which comes back to the whole entitlement thing.

If I'm making things worse, let me know. I'm just so pissed on your behalf, smonster. I wish I could swoop in and go medieval on her ass.

Here's the whole thing: She texted me that day saying, "Hey, I'm having a rough day, I appreciate it if you wouldn't linger in the kitchen." So I told her I'd be in there only between 7 and 8, and she didn't respond so I assumed that was okay. It was while I was eating (between 7 and 8) that she told me there was an anniversary of some kind and that she needed to be alone to cry, so could I go eat in my room.

I had been planning to make dinner for StW the next day, and so I texted her to ask if that was okay, saying that he could stay in the front of the house or I could reschedule. She replied with, "You can do whatever you need to do I would just appreciate it if you don't linger. Which is what I would appreciate most days. I really like my privacy and alone time, and I know you have to use the kitchen but there's also not a more private place for me to go but my room."

So, I mean, I get it, but if I'm in the kitchen there's the living room where she could go hang - that's her room, too, though she chooses never to use it. IDK. I just don't have the spoons right now. Invoking FPC.