smonster,

I'm an introvert, but I can present as an extrovert for short periods of time. such presentation takes a LOT of energy and so when I come home, I don't really want to talk a whole lot. Beau I think has figured this out over the years, but I would never tell him, please don't be in this space.

What I don't get is if you are quietly at the table or cooking, then what really is the problem?

I feel sorry for your roommate because it sounds roomie is going through a rough spot, but you definitely should not feel badly about being in your own fucking home.

Judge Judy would be yelling at your roomie full boar over this.

Can you put in a room divider (those accordion-looking things?) instead of a curtain?

What I don't get is if you are quietly at the table or cooking, then what really is the problem?

Oh, I've been in that place before, where just the knowledge of someone's proximity gets under your skin. That's why I suspect a curtain won't actually help. (Help her, I mean. It would at least give smonster some mental space.)

Difference is, when that happens I understand that it is my issue.

It just seems like it's come up all of a sudden. I guess this anniversary, whatever it is, has lowered her capacity to deal, because when we were both unemployed we'd hang out and chat happily for good long chunks of time. I can't think of anything that I've done that would have pissed her off.

I mean, if I need to not hang out in the kitchen, fine. But cooking, washing dishes, and eating? I kind of need to do those things there.

I was having such a good week, and now I just want to sleep. And not be around her. And I have a lot I need to do this weekend.

I guess this anniversary, whatever it is, has lowered her capacity to deal,

Which is all fine and good. We all have thresholds and quirks. But again, this is where some self-awareness and consideration can go a long way. If, knowing this anniversary was coming up, she'd said to you, "Hey, you know, I'm going to be coming up on some hard times emotionally and may need to retreat from humanity in order to deal," I'm fairly certain you would've understood and asked what she needed. Even better would have been if she had actually taken the initiative and explained what she might need in the way of space and you guys could have put your heads together and come to a compromise.

Not drop it on you via a fucking text, fer chrissakes and then telling you not to "linger" in your own goddamned kitchen.

Which comes back to the whole entitlement thing.

If I'm making things worse, let me know. I'm just so pissed on your behalf, smonster. I wish I could swoop in and go medieval on her ass.

Here's the whole thing: She texted me that day saying, "Hey, I'm having a rough day, I appreciate it if you wouldn't linger in the kitchen." So I told her I'd be in there only between 7 and 8, and she didn't respond so I assumed that was okay. It was while I was eating (between 7 and 8) that she told me there was an anniversary of some kind and that she needed to be alone to cry, so could I go eat in my room.

I had been planning to make dinner for StW the next day, and so I texted her to ask if that was okay, saying that he could stay in the front of the house or I could reschedule. She replied with, "You can do whatever you need to do I would just appreciate it if you don't linger. Which is what I would appreciate most days. I really like my privacy and alone time, and I know you have to use the kitchen but there's also not a more private place for me to go but my room."

So, I mean, I get it, but if I'm in the kitchen there's the living room where she could go hang - that's her room, too, though she chooses never to use it. IDK. I just don't have the spoons right now. Invoking FPC.

Which is what I would appreciate most days. I really like my privacy and alone time, and I know you have to use the kitchen but there's also not a more private place for me to go but my room."

Oh hell no. I was with her (as in following the logic and understanding why she would ask that, if not how she chose to do it) up til there. But that's taking things to a totally different place.

She graciously understands that you have to use the kitchen? I'm sorry, that is some whacked out shit right there. I am livid.

Yeah, she needs to live in a place with a bedroom with a door.

I mean, I'm an extrovert, and I had a really hard time sharing a dorm room my freshman year. I had had my own bedroom my entire life, and it was a huge adjustment. Plus, I was 500 miles away from home for the first time in my life, and the only person who went to college in NC from my high school. PLUS, my mom was diagnosed with cancer three weeks after I got here. I wanted a private place to cry, too. But I would never have asked my roommate not to be in her space.

I really like my privacy and alone time, and I know you have to use the kitchen but there's also not a more private place for me to go but my room."

...Which is why she shouldn't have moved into a place where she knew there was no door between her room and the kitchen! I mean, I do feel for her, but it's just not reasonable to request that someone not "linger" in a common space, especially one that gets so much regular use, like the kitchen. For a day or two, for a specific reason, OK. For all the time? That just doesn't work.

She is being totally unreasonable.

I am a person who really needs alone time and privacy, so I can understand where she's coming from.

However, because I know this about myself I also have never lived with a roommate (except for living with my parents as an adult on different occasions). Just thinking about sharing living space with a stranger or acquaintance makes me tense up.

If she should know better than to move into a shotgun house with no door on the bedroom.

...Which is why she shouldn't have moved into a place where she knew there was no door between her room and the kitchen!

I'm with Kate on this one 100%.

There is an old saying, "You buy your ticket, you take your ride."

If she expected to have a cocoon, she should have moved into a cocoon, not expect smonster to knit her one!