On the very bad nights when Hubby can't take any more pain pills, he'll pull out the Jagermeister. It sounds like a recipe for catastrophe, but he sleeps peacefully and pain free and wakes up remarkably cheerful and rested. But he's always metabolized alcohol insanely fast. Darned Norwegian genes.

Okay, lasagna is in the crockpot, brownies are made for shindig tonight, laundry is on the clothesline. Now I have a dog who really wants a W-A-L-K.

you have had a flareup this week, yes? Maybe your body was just tired out and gave in.

I didn't even think of that! Makes sense, though. And I'm still fighting my innards and getting a little tired of oatmeal.

I feel like a big part of the insomnia is the learned pattern of sleeplessness -- if I can break it, then I'd be willing to say the IBS flare is worth it. As long as it calms the fuck down soon.

I'm slightly embarrassed, when I went to pick up Tom, they had already taken Taz upstairs and sedated him. At this point I thought he'd be at the vet's all weekend at least, so I asked if I could see him. The vet tech brought him down and lay him on the table and I just burst into tears saying goodbye.

I'd have lost it. I was crying when they took Darby to be sedated for her dental work. If I'd seen her, oh man.

I am forever grateful that my doctor decided a possible dependency on sleep meds is preferable to chronic sleep deprivation. Before we started me on half an Ambien every night, I was averaging about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night.

I've been productive today. I've worked out, called the headhunter that the university is paying for, called one of my contacts to offer services (he's a former executive/current professor who's helping me look for a job, so I wanted to offer to help with clerical stuff to say thanks), called the school to arrange to pick up my stuff from my office, cleaned out my trunk to prepare for the aforementioned office clean. Whew!

I was averaging about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night

Heh. That's pretty normal for me. But it's different when you're just staying up too late. There is very little more despair inducing than lying there unable to get to sleep for hours on end, and I am supremely grateful that it's something I only experience on rare occasion.

I am forever grateful that my doctor decided a possible dependency on sleep meds is preferable to chronic sleep deprivation.

Makes perfect sense to me. And what I don't get is -- why is Remeron okay in his eyes, but not Ambien? Remeron is a sedating drug, and it's an antidepressant (which I don't want), and it causes weight gain (which he doesn't want to see happen). Ambien? Just helps me sleep.

And I'm no dummy when it comes to drugs. I get that it can cause dependence, but if it's helping a legitimate medical condition, and the patient is okay with possible dependence, then who the fuck cares? That's like doctors who won't prescribe adequate pain meds for patients with chronic pain because they "don't want the patients to become addicted." Well, fuck that. It's chronic goddamn pain. Key word "chronic." It's not going away. So if it's not going away, then why not help your patient to have a decent quality of life with adequately managed pain?

Same thing with insomnia. Damn.

t /ranty-pants t But seriously. Refusal to manage patients' chronic pain is fucking malpractice in my opinion.

I've been productive today.

I am doing all kinds of onerous tasking this week. But still just digging myself out of the backlog with a ways to go yet.

And you even see that shit with people talking about terminal patients. It's unconscionable.