you have had a flareup this week, yes? Maybe your body was just tired out and gave in.

I didn't even think of that! Makes sense, though. And I'm still fighting my innards and getting a little tired of oatmeal.

I feel like a big part of the insomnia is the learned pattern of sleeplessness -- if I can break it, then I'd be willing to say the IBS flare is worth it. As long as it calms the fuck down soon.

I'm slightly embarrassed, when I went to pick up Tom, they had already taken Taz upstairs and sedated him. At this point I thought he'd be at the vet's all weekend at least, so I asked if I could see him. The vet tech brought him down and lay him on the table and I just burst into tears saying goodbye.

I'd have lost it. I was crying when they took Darby to be sedated for her dental work. If I'd seen her, oh man.

I am forever grateful that my doctor decided a possible dependency on sleep meds is preferable to chronic sleep deprivation. Before we started me on half an Ambien every night, I was averaging about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night.

I've been productive today. I've worked out, called the headhunter that the university is paying for, called one of my contacts to offer services (he's a former executive/current professor who's helping me look for a job, so I wanted to offer to help with clerical stuff to say thanks), called the school to arrange to pick up my stuff from my office, cleaned out my trunk to prepare for the aforementioned office clean. Whew!

I was averaging about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night

Heh. That's pretty normal for me. But it's different when you're just staying up too late. There is very little more despair inducing than lying there unable to get to sleep for hours on end, and I am supremely grateful that it's something I only experience on rare occasion.

I am forever grateful that my doctor decided a possible dependency on sleep meds is preferable to chronic sleep deprivation.

Makes perfect sense to me. And what I don't get is -- why is Remeron okay in his eyes, but not Ambien? Remeron is a sedating drug, and it's an antidepressant (which I don't want), and it causes weight gain (which he doesn't want to see happen). Ambien? Just helps me sleep.

And I'm no dummy when it comes to drugs. I get that it can cause dependence, but if it's helping a legitimate medical condition, and the patient is okay with possible dependence, then who the fuck cares? That's like doctors who won't prescribe adequate pain meds for patients with chronic pain because they "don't want the patients to become addicted." Well, fuck that. It's chronic goddamn pain. Key word "chronic." It's not going away. So if it's not going away, then why not help your patient to have a decent quality of life with adequately managed pain?

Same thing with insomnia. Damn.

t /ranty-pants t But seriously. Refusal to manage patients' chronic pain is fucking malpractice in my opinion.

I've been productive today.

I am doing all kinds of onerous tasking this week. But still just digging myself out of the backlog with a ways to go yet.

And you even see that shit with people talking about terminal patients. It's unconscionable.

Steph - Will and I ate at The Alchemist. It was yummy as ever.

My sleep is all messed up. It takes me forever to fall asleep at night and if I don't take my Seroquel I either don't get sleep or sleep really lightly and wake up. So I'm dependent on it. Any sleeping pills I've tried I've developed a resistance too and the dr took me off when the dosages were deemed too high.

I wish I had my Mom's ability to fall asleep in minutes.

I have a neighbor finally. She seems nice, I think she's a nurse that works a 3-11 shift. Means I'll have to share the porch and also be more mindful of leaving the door open and allowing the cats out here.

Erin has made an incredible resume for me! And I found a job I really wanted to apply for. Receptionist in Burlington, decent hours, decent pay, benefits after 3 months. So fingers crossed.

There's a new yarn shop in town, inside another shop. I stopped in because I'm trying to crochet and the owner is really nice. In September she's going to start knitting nights and try to do some classes so I may learn to knit.

Steph - Will and I ate at The Alchemist. It was yummy as ever.

Cool! When did you go?

My sleep is all messed up. It takes me forever to fall asleep at night and if I don't take my Seroquel I either don't get sleep or sleep really lightly and wake up.

Tim used to take Seroquel, for years, and he would sleep like the dead. Recently his doctor switched him to Abilify (for reasons I still can't comprehend, including some vague comment about it being helpful for Asperger's -- but maybe I myself am too non-neurotypical to assess whether Tim has Asperger's symptoms or not), and now he has a horrible time sleeping. I feel so bad for him.