Really. You guys are acknowledging the fact that they are new parents and that gardening has fallen way down on the list of priorities for them, which is typical and totally justified. The fact that you guys want to help them and not just be "Clean up your shit." I would have welcomed it. My mom used to do that for our neighbors when they had new babies. She loved to garden and loved being able to help out that way so that it was one less thing they needed to worry about.

The fact that it helps the neighborhood and Erinn, just makes it win-win.

I would say to make up a nice basket, maybe with some wine - my brother and sister-in-law got some bottles called "Mommy's Night Out Chardonnay" and a "Daddy" kind, too that they loved. A card for the baby, maybe a gift card to Target or a food place, and the coupons. If they don't take you guys up on it, then it gets wierd if they get bugged about it, but I would say it would be taken as a very nice gesture.

Let's be honest, either side here is going to be hurt. I mean, we jump on whichever side is presented (currently I feel awful for Aims but I totally think it'd be a nice gesture from javachik) because, hey, friends but both sides are valid and I don't think it's a situation where there is any easy answer.

I think we'll do the wine and basket/card thing and then I'll mention to them that I usually spend Sundays doing yard work and it would be no trouble at all do cover theirs while I'm at it or something. Like I said, E's been to their house and is on fine terms. The issue hasn't been brought up at all precisely because we don't want to hurt feelings or make someone who's probably overwhelmed with new baby feel any more overwhelmed.

In the continuing story of "Weight lifting is the key to me getting in shape, who knew?" . . .

I was scratching a mosquito bite on my side, and it dawned on me that my side felt odd. And I realized--that's a corner I'm feeling. Not the continuous curve that has been my torso for decades, but an actual muscle edge. I ran my fingers along it disbelief for nearly a minute before I stopped myself.

re: the neighbors, I'm expecting them to say, "Oh, don't bother about the garden, we're going to pull that out and put in grass because all that planting is too hard to take care of."

(I'm not a gardener. It all looks pretty and I appreciate the work people put into it, but I'm too inherently lazy to do it.)

Really? That's extreme. No one has said it's a constant source of irritation and annoyance.

You said Erinn was upset. I don't think my interpretation is extreme. Here's where I was at that point in my parenthood with Emmett, "So, my wife has severe post-natal depression, I'm averaging about four hours of sleep a night, I can barely focus at work, we're scraping by emotionally, financially and physically and you want to let me know in a not-so-subtle way how disappointed you are in our gardening? Is that it?"

To be honest, from my perspective, it would be extreme for a neighbor to get upset about my yard. Especially if I had a newborn infant.

re: the neighbors, I'm expecting them to say, "Oh, don't bother about the garden, we're going to pull that out and put in grass because all that planting is too hard to take care of."

That would be fine, as it's their lawn. Our HOA does have standards about lawn care, though, and it's actually far easier and less costly to tend to the kind of garden they have than it is a lawn. The previous owners already spent the huge time and energy and money getting it planted, etc. The aftercare is the easy part.

You said Erinn was upset. I don't think my interpretation is extreme. Here's where I was at that point in my parenthood with Emmett, "So, my wife has severe post-natal depression, I'm averaging about four hours of sleep a night, I can barely focus at work, we're scraping by emotionally, financially and physically and you want to let me know in a not-so-subtle way how disappointed you are in our gardening? Is that it?"

She's upset because the weeds from the side of their house have now grown so big that when Erinn is parked in her own driveway, her passengers can't get out of the car. I think she has the right to be irritated and gets credit for being considerate enough to try coming up with a way to fix it without hurting the new parents' feelings.

I would appreciate it. But then I've never been pregnant so I can't attest to how I'd feel after having a baby.

One thing you could do is word the coupons so it's good for "grocery shopping, running errands, yard work, or whatever you need help with!" and that way the family can pick what they want help with. That way yard work is an option and it may not seem like a reproach if it's optional.

Of course, even if it weren't optional it may not seem like a reproach it obviously depends on the person.