You said Erinn was upset. I don't think my interpretation is extreme. Here's where I was at that point in my parenthood with Emmett, "So, my wife has severe post-natal depression, I'm averaging about four hours of sleep a night, I can barely focus at work, we're scraping by emotionally, financially and physically and you want to let me know in a not-so-subtle way how disappointed you are in our gardening? Is that it?"
She's upset because the weeds from the side of their house have now grown so big that when Erinn is parked in her own driveway, her passengers can't get out of the car. I think she has the right to be irritated and gets credit for being considerate enough to try coming up with a way to fix it without hurting the new parents' feelings.
I would appreciate it. But then I've never been pregnant so I can't attest to how I'd feel after having a baby.
One thing you could do is word the coupons so it's good for "grocery shopping, running errands, yard work, or whatever you need help with!" and that way the family can pick what they want help with. That way yard work is an option and it may not seem like a reproach if it's optional.
Of course, even if it weren't optional it may not seem like a reproach it obviously depends on the person.
One thing you could do is word the coupons so it's good for "grocery shopping, running errands, yard work, or whatever you need help with!" and that way the family can pick what they want help with. That way yard work is an option and it may not seem like a reproach if it's optional.
Oh I like that all-in-one thing. Thanks, askye.
I think she has the right to be irritated
Well, again, the motivation seems to be her irritation.
gets credit for being considerate enough to try coming up with a way to fix it without hurting the new parents' feelings.
Since this subject came up
because
Aimee was upset about similar neighborhood offers of help, and both I and Ginger noted we would take that offer as a critique I would only suggest that there may be some chance that this is a touchy issue.
However, you know your neighbors better than me so I'll defer to your judgment.
That's a good idea, askye.
I wasn't as upset about the offer of help, but the way she did it. I have no relationship with this woman. Never seen her before in the 18 months we've lived here. If the dude next door, who I do have a relationship with, offered to help, it would have been a different issue and I wouldn't have taken it as a scolding.
Java, since the driveway issue is concrete and non aesthetic, I might start with that. "would you mind if we trimmed those back? With a new baby I know it's the last thing on your mind. We can help out with taking care of the yard generally etc etc."
Maybe that's no better. But it takes you a step further awaynfrom "all the neighbors noticed your house is an eyesore." Which I know you don't intend, but I gotta say I think my reaction would be on par with Hec and Ginger.
java, I expect you're annoyed with me but I'll offer this up anyway.
askye's suggestion is perfectly polite but I don't think it will produce the desired result.
Because (a) they're not thinking about the condition of the yard at all right now. They're staggering along in new parenthood and might occasionally wince at the sight of it, but mostly they're focused daily and weekly chores.
And, (b) If you you give them a coupon that includes a bunch of things they might ask for somebody to help with laundry, or shopping or looking after the kid for an hour so Mom can shower, but they probably don't feel like they know you well enough to ask for something like yard work.
Here's what I would do: Go over and offer a basket of treats. Lemons from your tree, or lemon curd, or pie or something like that.
Tell them that you realize that new parents often get offers of help with newborns but after several months when they could still really use a hand people are focused elsewhere, and you'd be happy to help with something simple.
Then note that you are buying your property and hope to re-do the front yard as the previous owners had down their yard, with the hardy perreniels and less grass etc.
This will probably prompt a sad acknowledgment that they haven't maintained the garden and you would then have the entrance to say, "You know, it would actually help me a lot if I could do some weeding in your garden and see how it's laid out and done. That would be incredibly helpful for me to get into your garden and just get a sense of how it's put together. I hate to impose on you, but I'd really appreciate the opportunity."
Like that. I think that would be well received. Even if it were seen as transparent it would be appreciated.
