P-C, I know you realize this, but you have to internalize it: In the eyes of your parents, nothing you do will ever be good enough or dutiful enough. You need to know this like you know 2+2=4, or Friday follows Thursday.

Once you get it at that level, the knowledge can be quite liberating.

In the eyes of your parents, nothing you do will ever be good enough or dutiful enough

I know I've told this story before, but it bears repeating,. Every time we saw them, my MiL nagged my DH about his hair (too long), his weight and his smoking. One summer, he stopped smoking. lost 50lbs and got his hair cut. I told him, "Your mother won't have anything to say to you." He assured me that she would find something. Sure enough, we walked in the house and the very first thing she said to him was "Oh, no--your hair has gotten so gray!"

You need to know this like you know 2+2=4, or Friday follows Thursday.

And tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards? I got that down.

Once you get it at that level, the knowledge can be quite liberating.

I have that knowledge, for sure, but, I don't know, I guess I'm disappointed in my parents for being disappointed in me or something. I WANT MORE FROM THEM.

I WANT MORE FROM THEM.

You gotta give that up. Which sucks a LOT to do. Everyone deserves parents that actually parent well, but unfortunately, we don't always get that. *They* show no signs of change at this point, nor no signs of wanting to change. So if you keep wanting better from them, you are going to keep being let down. *You* have to be the one to say (feel free to paraphrase), "God damn it, I deserve fucking BETTER than this, but they aren't going to provide it, so I am going to give that desire up."

And you feel SO MUCH BETTER. Seriously, trust me. I know from giving up expectations of good parenting.

Dude, I'm so calling P-C out on Rebecca Blacking us.

Dude, I'm so calling P-C out on Rebecca Blacking us.

Oh god, I'm so pop-culture-ignorant that I have no idea what that means.

*They* show no signs of change at this point, nor no signs of wanting to change.

...or even seeing that anything should be changed. But you're grown up, even if they don't realize it.

P-C, you do realize that if you had been willing to let your father use your miles, your mother would have complained that they weren't enough.

Speaking from the been-there-torn-my-hair-out-over-that point, I can tell you that they're not going to be the parents you want them to be.

Dude, I'm so calling P-C out on Rebecca Blacking us.

Hee. It had to be done!

So if you keep wanting better from them, you are going to keep being let down.

I look forward into changing into my Constant Source of Disappointment shirt after work and dancing with JZ, Matilda, and Emmett.

I WANT MORE FROM THEM.

What Tep said. A useful phrase for me has been "Don't go to the hardware store for milk." Fortunately, I've found other people to give me some of the parental validation I'd been wanting - my dance teacher, my aunt, my friends, Buffistas! You know, at this point, what you will and will not get from your parents. What you can't get from them, you can find elsewhere just by being your awesome self. Let go, again and again, of your expectations and hopes. "My parents should love and accept me" is only going to bring you frustration and more heartache in this case.