Dear asshole contractor -- if the warped wood was a maintenance issue, then it would ALL be warped, on all of the balconies. If one piece is warped, it needs to be replaced.

And, I know that you are being a dick and taking longer than you need to because you know I have an appointment. Eff you, I cancelled it. I got all day, motherfucker.

ok, now I want Vortex to make some phone calls for me. (and do my DMV onerous task)

Oh, sweet mother of God.

1. My mom calls and asks whether my dad can use my FF miles to buy a ticket to a wedding in a couple week. He just found about it two days ago, and he "needs to go." No one else in the family has enough FF miles for a ticket.

2. I am hesitant and confused, and I manage to avoid saying no directly for long enough that she just says it's okay and moves on.

3. I feel like a dick and post on Facebook about said feeling, wondering if it was a reasonable request. Flights are pretty expensive, after all; how many times did they pay for my flights home?

4. My little sister can't believe my dad would have asked me to do that, so she asks him. He has no idea what she's talking about and asks where she heard that. She says she saw it somewhere on Facebook.

5. My dad tells my mom.

6. My mom flips the fuck out and sends me a voicemail and text messages to the effect that she had already booked the ticket, she knew what my answer was going to be, but she just wanted to see how much I loved my parents. They can take care of themselves and don't expect anything from me. Oh, and I don't need to give her my old phone to send to India like I agreed to because I am a supermegadick. That last part was only implied.

Grrr! they just finished. If I could have just gotten the dentist to push by an hour, I could have gone. But, he's going on vacation, so he's not available until August 22. I managed to get them to agree to let me call for a cancellation.

she knew what my answer was going to be, but she just wanted to see how much I loved my parents.

So she was testing you, much in the way a supermegadick would?

And I will edit or delete if you don't like me implying that about your mother. Despite her flaws, she is, after all, still your mother.

(It is a pretty dick move, though.)

From an old poem (approximation):

Not love, quoth he, but vanity, sets love a task like that.

(It is a pretty dick move, though.)

It is totally a dick move, and I would like to call her on it, but I don't think it would do any good, so I guess I just wait until she calms down and then pretend this never happened. Or, wait! I forgot. Sometime today or tomorrow, my dad is going to call me and ask me to apologize to my mom.

Frankly, P-C, I think your sister owes you an apology. Not a big one, but an apology nevertheless, for butting in. She choose not to call either you or your mother who had the conversation, but to call your father - who, I suspect she knew from past patterns, would stir the pot.

If your sister doesn't know how to keep your confidence, you shouldn't be talking about it on Facebook. Given the way that your mother blames other people for things she does, I'm not surprised that your sister asked. She should have talked to you first, though.

Oh, she did apologize. She's really sorry. She sent me a message before my mom even called because she knew she'd screwed up. It was an honest mistake. I told her not to mention anything I post on Facebook to them in the future and she was like, "No shit, Sherlock."