I don't have a problem with a gay man who likes to go down on women, my problem is with the statement " She doesn't consider us to be cheating because we do not fuck. " Because why would a gay man stick to such a heteronormative definition of fuck ? Also isn't the operative issue here how HE AND HIS BOYFRIEND define cheating? Or am I being all monogamonormative?

I think it's a fake.

Aren't there women who enjoy occasional sex with men, but still identify as lesbian rather than bisexual because women remain their primary sexual interest?

I'm bisexual and I only sleep with women. Is that the same? Possibly it is the opposite...

I have no comment on the habits of gay men, though. That really is outside my experience. (Except for the two years I had a lovely gay boy for a flatmate. He had the same boyfriend the entire time. They got married last year. This does not really help me answer the question.)

I should be asleep, given the sleeping pills, but brain does not want to play. Do what you're told, brain.

The Buffistas were so supportive when P went through her stem cell transplant in Seattle after her Hodgkin's Lymphoma recurred. You gave blood, you sent puzzles and things to keep her occupied. Here is her story about her experience at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and really living her life. Thank you.

I finally got a chance to ride the Harry Potter ride at Islands of Adventure today. It's pretty damned cool, but Jilli shouldn't ever ride it, ever. EVER. EVER. Which is a shame, because I think there are parts of it she'd really love.

I have been told that by many people about that ride. Which IS a shame, but I think even with being warned when I would need to shut my eyes, I would still freak out.

Ooh, I wanna go on the Harry Potter ride!! Luckily I am not Jilli.

Aren't there women who enjoy occasional sex with men, but still identify as lesbian rather than bisexual because women remain their primary sexual interest?

...meh. Yes, I suppose so. It was the fact that it's less "I also happen to like women" and more the specificity and the act. I dunno. I'm not sure why it startles and puzzles me so much--having a woman say she likes girls except occasionally really wants to give a blowjob? Isn't quite as weird to me?

because there's a cultural assumption that no one *enjoys* performing cunnilingus just for the fun of it and it's some kind of chore to get a partner to go down on you?

That may be true, erin. I may have been warped by society. Sigh. Stupid society.

I think it's also that most of the gay men I know are much more extreme on the kinsey scale than most of the women I know.

I've sometimes wondered if there are fewer bisexual/mid-kinsey men than women because of social pressures. Maybe it's (very arguably) more difficult for men to come out than women, for social reasons, and therefore men are more likely to come out as gay than bi. Disclaimer: I have not tested this theory under proper social-scientific conditions.