Yes!!! Erin rules.
A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.
Wash ,'The Message'
Spike's Bitches 46: Don't I get a cookie?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Scrappy - Apr 10, 2011 7:29:32 pm PDT #19513 of 30000
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Strix - Apr 10, 2011 7:30:11 pm PDT #19514 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
He let her move to MN, then PA. Her DH DID get a good job in PA, and he's hadn't been able to work in a year, so I GET that.
But us? Homebodies. Stable. Happy here. Finally almost getting on financial feet. D is NOT the bad guy here. M comes back to his own room, kept solely for him. It's HIS room, not storage or anything. HIS. This is the house he lived in for 5 years and where he has always come to visit.
He knows the neighbor kids. He's getting to know my friend's kids who are his age, so he will always have playmates here when he visits. His gram and granpa are in Iowa, with his uncle and cousin. His aunt, uncle and cousin on his mom's side live here (and they're pretty nice.)
This is a pretty decent arrangement for a long-distance arrangement for a child of divorce. I am a pretty damned decent stepmom -- I NEVER trash talk his mom, no matter what, and I never try to supercede his relationship with her -- no matter how I feel about her, she is his MOM, and he loves her, as is right and proper. He goes to half-day camps and plays in the summer, and we go to petting zoos and playdates at the pool and swim and walk the dog, and have watergun fights on the lawn and look at stars at night. It's...ok!
And yeah, thanks for letting me rant. I just needed to be bitchy and ragey and GGRRR so I can approach everything calmly. But I NEEDED to do some inappropriate venting...and I sent D to bed, and he needs me to be logical and calm, not all flipped out and STAB STAB STAB.
As always, thanks, guys.
DavidS - Apr 10, 2011 7:50:09 pm PDT #19515 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Did he let her out of the agreement to stay local or just not file a suit?
A stipulation to not move anywhere is pretty rare in a custody arrangement and usually only done by mutual agreement with shared physical custody (50/50). Which is not the case here.
It's not at all common, because it could be used to control your ex-spouse who may want to remarry and relocate etc.
Beverly - Apr 10, 2011 7:56:40 pm PDT #19516 of 30000
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Erin, thanks for that magnificent rant. There's a similar situation going on with not-so-DXDiL, and it's making me crazy. Your justified anger and rational effective planning just make me more determined to be there as much as I can for the kids. And I send you all support thoughts and encouragement.
Strix - Apr 10, 2011 8:11:53 pm PDT #19517 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
Yeah, David, D didn't want to be the asshole who had a bitter ex living her trapped rage near him. And MN was only a 7 hour car trip. PA from KC is more fraught, and expensive.
Ugh. I gotta go to bed -- work tomorrow.
DavidS - Apr 10, 2011 8:31:39 pm PDT #19518 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Yeah, David, D didn't want to be the asshole who had a bitter ex living her trapped rage near him.
I don't think it was an option for him anyway. You can't fight it in court and win it. Judges won't put that stipulation in. If there isn't a mutual agreement by both parents, then the court will generally presume the majority of physical custody goes with the mother (usually something like 70/30). The father retains joint legal custody but that just means having a say in schooling, medical matters and religious practice.
Unless D and his ex both agreed to it and specifically agreed to it in the custody arrangement there's no way he would've gotten a stipulation requiring her to stay close.
And this just reflects the reality that most single parents are women and shouldn't be bound by fathers who have absented themselves and aren't helping to raise the kid.
meara - Apr 10, 2011 8:35:30 pm PDT #19519 of 30000
Argh. Why is it Sunday night? It's not even like I anticipate a hugely rough Monday (though now that I've said that...). What can I do to make Monday fun and exciting or something? I had a really good day today, so what to do, what to do...I'm thinking "bright colors", though I'm not sure I have any in my wardrobe! :)
erin_obscure - Apr 10, 2011 8:52:38 pm PDT #19520 of 30000
Occasionally I’m callous and strange
Erin, you are a fantastic stepmom. M is pretty fortunate to have a Dad who loves him so much and a stepmom who is looking out for him. Bless you for balancing out all the self-involvement and craxiness in his other home environment.
Vortex - Apr 10, 2011 9:54:32 pm PDT #19521 of 30000
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
Erin , you are awesome. That is all.
Seska (the Watcher-in-Training) - Apr 11, 2011 2:28:19 am PDT #19522 of 30000
"We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?"
Erin, I agree with everyone saying you're an incredibly good stepmom. I wish you and your stepson a relationship like the one I have with my dad's partner, where we hang out and talk academia and writing go for coffee and are great friends. I love that. I'm sure your stepson will increasingly feel the same way about you.
This week, apart from writing a (very overdue) book review for an academic journal, I am mostly making funding applications for next year. I would so appreciate some funding~ma. Buffista ~ma is a thing of wondrous awesomeness.