sj, not knowing how good your relationship is with G's mom, I'd say that she's taking huge advantage of you. You are doing this for free, she's not paying you. I'm sure that it saves them TONS of money. If it was me, I'd say "nope, can't do it any more" and let it go at that. She's being incredibly rude to you and you certainly don't deserve it. She's lucky to have you babysit at all, let alone for free!

And I'm aggravated, because I don't feel I deserve that, and after all I'm doing her a big favor for free.

Of course you don't deserve that. Aaaaand, I see a problem right away.

In my experience, people who get really, really valuable stuff for free routinely under value that stuff. Just ask all the clients I let pay what they wanted to.

It comes back to boundary stuff, over and over again.

Also, recognizing that sometimes people are just jerks and it isn't about what you do or don't do.

When you know you have done everything right...to the best of your ability, then you HAVE to know that it isn't about you. Feeling inconvenienced, or unable to cope is understandable, but some people don't know how to keep that stuff to themselves. I wish your friends knew better, but please don't let yourself suffer because they don't.

Say to yourself, "Yeah, It must really suck to be you right now, and I'm not going to take that personally."

and after all I'm doing her a big favor for free.

This is bound to go badly. You need to be paid (even minimally) so your time is recognized as valuable. She needs to pay so she can ask this of you.

I am sorry you are in an awkward position now.

Dawn, we're friends, although she's not terribly good with the following through on plans, returning calls and e-mails thing, so not as close as I wish we were.

I think part of it is she manages to make me feel guilty even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I have been very unreliable with jobs in the past due to depression, exhaustion, etc, so when I feel like I am being accused of that, I get defensive.

I don't really want to drop her on it. I enjoy spending time with G, and he is finally getting to the point where he is comfortable with me and happy to see me. I like feeling useful. I haven't felt useful in a very long time.

sj - I'm going to agree with what they said.

Steph - this is in St Albans, the Waterbury apartment didn't work out. So I'll be about an hour away but The Alchemist is defiantly at the top of the list for places to go.

The money thing is my fault really. When she asked me to watch G on a regular basis instead of just randomly, I knew I should ask for money, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I think part of it is she manages to make me feel guilty even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I have been very unreliable with jobs in the past due to depression, exhaustion, etc, so when I feel like I am being accused of that, I get defensive.

sj, this is so self-aware of you.

The past is the past. You must forgive yourself for those past incidents and recognize how far you have come from then.

Guilt is one of the biggest wastes of the human experience. You are doing what you need to do NOW to not misstep like that. Problem solved. And therefore, no point in dragging every past experience into the present.

Also, H said something recently along the lines of she didn't know if she would need me this summer if she took a class that was in no way asking me to watch G but just implying that I would if she needed me. I think if she brings it up again, I'm going to tell her that I need to be thinking about getting a paying job this summer instead, because really I do need to be thinking about that.

Honestly, what I need right now is a nice way to respond to this e-mail that isn't. "Did you fucking want me to call you at 2AM?" because that is what the aggravated me wants to respond with.

Happy Anniversary billytea!

You came up at dinner the other night - Mal was drawing an ocean scene on his placemat and explaining it: "That's an octopus and that's a hammerhead shark and that's a whale shark eating krill and that's a crab and that's a starfish and that's one of those fish that are really ugly and grumpy and when someone comes near their shell they make their mouth like a big triangle kite? I can't remember their name, like the Scrofulous Something..."

Me: A sarcastic fringehead?

Mal: Yes! I drew a sarcastic fringe head.

Me: billytea would be so proud.

The money thing is my fault really. When she asked me to watch G on a regular basis instead of just randomly, I knew I should ask for money, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

One of the things I have been working with a lot of parents around this very issue. Course Correction!

I know you don't want to offend a friend, but which would be better for you:

1) "I understand your concerns about being caught without child care and how stressful that is. As you know, I do everything in my power to be responsible and caring with your child while giving you all possible notice the very few times when something has come up for me.

I am certain you know the value of responsible child care and, in order to have a more complete understanding between us, I'd like to discuss a compensation package that we can both live with.

or

2) You let this fester, she gets more entitled and you become resentful enough to blow up the relationship based on a boundary that you have not set with her.

She might not like #1, and she may be a total jerk about it. That would be her, being her. At least with #1, you have a chance for the relationship to continue and you getting something you richly deserve while the child gets awesome care.

Let her shop for day care and try to find a better deal. She won't.