happy birthday Raq.

Not that I know a lot about 4 yr olds, but I do know lots of adults that would find 3 or 4 choices overwhelming

if you can share details , sj, we might be able to hep. And I am so glad you PT is helping, that is great news.

so far I have , mailed the tax stuff, gone grocery and pet food shopping, got soap from my neighborhood soapmaker, 75 min on the elptical trainer, cleaned the bathroom and shower.

askye! Vermont!!! Was the apartment in Waterbury? I can't remember.

Would you like some help sj?

Yes, it probably helps if I actually ask, wouldn't it?

I should preface this by saying that I think I have been extraordinarily reliable since I started watching G in September, despite my pain and the fact that early mornings are very hard on me. I agreed to do it, so I'm doing it. I canceled once for car trouble, and any other time I didn't watch him she had weeks notice, as in for the wedding. In bad weather she took G to me, but I never said I couldn't watch him.

So two weeks ago Thursday night H and I went out with friends for drinks and dinner. I was a little tipsy, but I knew I would be fine the next day. Except, at 2AM I woke up with a fever, and I just couldn't do it. So, I called H at 5AM and told her I couldn't watch G, giving what I thought was plenty of time for her and her DH to decide what to do. I never hear from her for the rest of the week. So, last Thursday I e-mail her to make sure everything is fine for Friday, and she says no, her mother-in-law is watching G. I have no idea when she was planning on telling me this if I hadn't contacted her.

Fast forward to this week when I get an e-mail asking if I will still be watching G on Friday this week, and if I get sick to call her the night before because she absolutely cannot miss work again. I'm sorry, but I really don't know what I could have done differently? Call her at 2 AM? But I feel like she is mad at me, or that she thinks I was just faking. And I'm aggravated, because I don't feel I deserve that, and after all I'm doing her a big favor for free.

sj, not knowing how good your relationship is with G's mom, I'd say that she's taking huge advantage of you. You are doing this for free, she's not paying you. I'm sure that it saves them TONS of money. If it was me, I'd say "nope, can't do it any more" and let it go at that. She's being incredibly rude to you and you certainly don't deserve it. She's lucky to have you babysit at all, let alone for free!

And I'm aggravated, because I don't feel I deserve that, and after all I'm doing her a big favor for free.

Of course you don't deserve that. Aaaaand, I see a problem right away.

In my experience, people who get really, really valuable stuff for free routinely under value that stuff. Just ask all the clients I let pay what they wanted to.

It comes back to boundary stuff, over and over again.

Also, recognizing that sometimes people are just jerks and it isn't about what you do or don't do.

When you know you have done everything right...to the best of your ability, then you HAVE to know that it isn't about you. Feeling inconvenienced, or unable to cope is understandable, but some people don't know how to keep that stuff to themselves. I wish your friends knew better, but please don't let yourself suffer because they don't.

Say to yourself, "Yeah, It must really suck to be you right now, and I'm not going to take that personally."

and after all I'm doing her a big favor for free.

This is bound to go badly. You need to be paid (even minimally) so your time is recognized as valuable. She needs to pay so she can ask this of you.

I am sorry you are in an awkward position now.

Dawn, we're friends, although she's not terribly good with the following through on plans, returning calls and e-mails thing, so not as close as I wish we were.

I think part of it is she manages to make me feel guilty even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I have been very unreliable with jobs in the past due to depression, exhaustion, etc, so when I feel like I am being accused of that, I get defensive.

I don't really want to drop her on it. I enjoy spending time with G, and he is finally getting to the point where he is comfortable with me and happy to see me. I like feeling useful. I haven't felt useful in a very long time.

sj - I'm going to agree with what they said.

Steph - this is in St Albans, the Waterbury apartment didn't work out. So I'll be about an hour away but The Alchemist is defiantly at the top of the list for places to go.

The money thing is my fault really. When she asked me to watch G on a regular basis instead of just randomly, I knew I should ask for money, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I think part of it is she manages to make me feel guilty even when I know I haven't done anything wrong. I have been very unreliable with jobs in the past due to depression, exhaustion, etc, so when I feel like I am being accused of that, I get defensive.

sj, this is so self-aware of you.

The past is the past. You must forgive yourself for those past incidents and recognize how far you have come from then.

Guilt is one of the biggest wastes of the human experience. You are doing what you need to do NOW to not misstep like that. Problem solved. And therefore, no point in dragging every past experience into the present.