You're a child. You have a family. There ya go.

Strangely, children over 40 and who are yourself don't meet most agency qualifications.

Hahaha, Aims! It's so true. My family is definitely the reason I'm screwed up but somehow I don't think they'll see it that way. If my father weren't so anti-therapy, we could really stand to do some family therapy (my parents and I). Ain't never gonna happen, though.

Possibly self-indulgent so skip it if it offends =>Recently I've been thinking that I'm unlucky that I was relatively high-functioning. I really really needed a mentor growing up and never had one. I'm one of 15 kids, my dad is an emotional abuser, I have basement self-esteem, I've always ALWAYS had problems making friends. And I never realized how much that stuff would affect my ability to make a living. I naïvely thought I'd be judged by my work rather than by the stuff people judge you for in grammar school. So it came as a shock when workplaces felt a lot like grammar school to me. And of course there's the part I play in things by thinking so little of myself that I don't reach for the stars. Anyway, suffice it to say that if I hadn't been so good at repressing things and getting my schoolwork done despite this and that, someone might have intervened earlier. It's been very very hard trying to fix it after the fact.

BTW - I'm glad there are special services available for kids and families. I'm not trying to cap on folks who choose to have families. I'm just bummed that so often in my adult life I'm not in the demographic being served. So I didn't get help when I was a kid and I don't get help as an adult. Of course, I can look for sliding scale psychotherapy elsewhere. It just would have been nice if the one in my town wasn't exclusive so that I didn't have to bike or pubtrans somewhere further away.

Spidra, it might be worth checking with individual providers in your area, to see if they're willing to bill on a sliding scale. My therapist in NJ did.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad! It takes a certain level of self-awareness and objectivity to understand your childhood from an adult perspective, and your family from an outsider perspective. Realizing what you lacked in childhood is how you start knowing and getting what you need now.

Skipping to shamelessly post new photos of baby starting here! [link]

Much ~ma to those in need (Drew!).

Skipping to shamelessly post new photos of baby starting here!

Happy baby!

Skipping to shamelessly post new photos of baby starting here!

Such a cutie pie! I love the pictures where you can see his little teeth.

cutie!!

Have we heard from bonny since this am ? Sending the ma~~~~ to bonny , Drew, and newphew.

and luck to spidra and Connie in finding who they need

eta: sorry Sean, I must like you some because I worry about you

Cute photos, Glamcookie!

Sorry to vent again so soon:

My mom's been in this cleaning and fixing frenzy ever since she arrived back home yesterday. She hasn't been here for months and she walked in the door and first thing cleaned out the fridge. Major projects. She's put my two other siblings to work (they get paid) and luckily she isn't bothering me too much as long as I stay out of the common areas of the house.

I was just downstairs giving something to her when I heard her telling my brother he had to re-do a major cabinet hinge fixing job tomorrow afternoon. Just in case there was a full day of major projects, I reminded them that I was having people over tomorrow afternoon. No one listened to/heard me except my sister. I repeated that I had invited people over since it was my birthday (in fact, I asked a month or more ago for permission to do that AND I sent a reminder email to my mom last night about it). Yet another moment when I *hate* being part of such a big family. People think the eldest gets special attention but not in my case. No, just like most of us, I feel like I don't matter because there's plenty more where I came from.

The Dorothy Parker quote was great. Sometimes black humor is all that gets me through.

ETA: okay, clearly I don't know how to whitefont.

Much ~ma to your friend's brother, lisah!