( continues...) (and back in) every time that happens and BY THE WAY, I shouldn't have had to explain that, thank you for the humiliation, maybe I'll just go back home. (All of which I said out loud).

So someone trades with me, but I'm now utterly humiliated and pissed and really ashamed that I probably embarrassed Tim by acting like an asshole. So at this point I just go into bug-eyed-stare-at-the-table mode for the rest of the night. Which probably ALSO embarrassed Tim.

And afterward we had a not-terribly-productive conversation about it, in which he told me that he understands that I can't handle crowds and that it's getting worse, and he supports me...and that if I don't want to get help for it, he'll "learn to live with it."

REALLY??? You'll "learn to live with it?!?" I think that fucking negates the part where you said you support me, Jesus Goddamn Christ.

So, yeah. I feel like I'm about to combust. I've been crying constantly since Tuesday night, including at work, which is, again, really humiliating, let me tell you.

And I *know* I'm not the only person who deals with bad shit happening. That's part of the human condition; I get that. I don't think I'm a special snowflake and no one knows my pain. I know that Tim is stressed BIG TIME about his ex's son and the whole jail thing. So I'm stressed and he's stressed, and neither of us are exactly being comforting to the other right now, which I get happens in relationships. I get that.

But fucking hell, I can't believe how much shit continues to pile up. I'm not handling it well at all. I'm not sleeping. I'm not eating much. I passed the end of my rope about 2 months ago, but shit kept on coming.

And now I have to get in the shower so I can go to my uncle's memorial service. (I didn't even mention this is service #2, did I? Service #1 was Wednesday night, 45 minutes away, and it was pouring down rain and I was leery abut driving at night, on teeny backroads, in the pouring rain. My cousin arranged that service, at my uncle's Eagles lodge. But my dad was miffed that my uncle -- who never went to church -- wasn't having a Christian service, so Dad arranged a second service at his own church for 2 days later [today]. Well, Wednesday night rolled around, and we suddenly had a dog staying at our house, and I had worked late because everything is bad. It was pouring down rain and dark and the service was 45 minutes away on rural roads, and so I called dad to tell him that I was not going to be able to make it to the memorial that night, but I would be at the one today. Dad -- who was understandably sad because he lost his second brother in 6 months -- was PISSED. Absolutely pissed. And I got pissed back at him. Told him that I had to make the decision that was best for me, and that I was still planning to go to the service today, and if going to only 1 service instead of 2 makes me a bad daughter/niece, then I will live with that, because I just don't think it does.)

So, oh my god. I am so sorry to dump all that, and now I *really* need to get in the shower.

(I remain anti-brackety hug. Sorry.)

Oh, God, Tep. You're a stronger woman than I am; I would've been twitching on the floor with my brains leaking out one ear about two and a quarter crises ago. No brackets, just sympathy and an earnest hope that any and all powers that be get the rest of the universe to back off and give you (and Tim) a moment of breathing space. Because that sounds unbearable.

Great googly moogly, Steph. I validate your assesment of extreme suckitude and continue to be appalled at everyhing you're dealing with.

Dear Universe, STEP OFF THE TEP. Thou risketh the mighty wrath of the Buffistae.

No love whatsoever,

Moi

Oh, God, Tep. You're a stronger woman than I am; I would've been twitching on the floor with my brains leaking out one ear about two and a quarter crises ago.

I have been, believe me, but...you just get back up because some new goddamn crisis comes along.

Because that sounds unbearable.

Pretty much.

Steph, Tim owes you mass quantities of chocolate. Actually, so does your father, but he isn't likely to come through.

Dear Universe, STEP OFF THE TEP. Thou risketh the mighty wrath of the Buffistae.

This. Teppy, I'm so sorry you have had so much suck to deal with. And I'm so so sorry that you have to go to another funeral for a loved one. You have been to way too many of those lately.

Dear Universe, STEP OFF THE TEP. Thou risketh the mighty wrath of the Buffistae.

I would also like to sign the petition for this.

Teppy, since huggy thoughts don't work for you, if I could, I would just sit quietly nearby, at whatever distance is comfortable for you - just to be there. (spoiler font in case this would be too much right now) You are in fact drowning in the shittier side of life right now. Feeling as though you are alone in your stress and pain, even when there are people around you sharing it, doesn't make you a special snowflake. What you are going through is no joke. It's not a bluff. It's not something you are malingering about, or exaggerating. ~ma for you and your family, and the situation with Tim's ex's son.

Dear I-Don't-Even-Know-What, Steph. This is... unreal. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this, and that it seems so endless.

I wish there was something I could do. I wish more would be reaching out, and won't throw their ignorance and craptitude on you.

You do have my sympathy.

Great googly moogly, Steph. I validate your assesment of extreme suckitude and continue to be appalled at everyhing you're dealing with.

Dear Universe, STEP OFF THE TEP. Thou risketh the mighty wrath of the Buffistae.

No love whatsoever,

Moi

I just copied smonster's comment in its entirety because it needs to be said. Loudly and repeatedly. Jeebus H.