Given that being dropped by a casual kick to the groin is the only drawback I see to being a guy

First, let me be clear that I'm not arguing over which gender has more/worse drawbacks.

There are stereotypes for both genders. Men are expected to be Competent in lots of areas. Which is fine, if you have an interest in those areas. But it's a drawback if you're male and not interested in those things that men are Supposed To Be Good At. I mean, I barely know how to open the hood of a car, never mind fixing one.

Perhaps the biggest drawback that I see is the requirement to be stoic -- "big boys don't cry" or "be a man." But sometimes life hurts. And having to hold it in (except for, possibly, a carefully chosen four-letter word or two) isn't easy. (Good grief, even writing about it isn't easy -- I'm not sure I have the vocabulary to describe it.)

And don't be a Nice Guy, because the world will walk all over you. Be rough and tough. Drink beer until you puke. Make crude comments about anything and everything, because nothing is to be taken seriously. Except maybe sports and sex.

And if you don't meet That Standard, you're a freak. Not really A Man. Somehow suspect. Because if you're male, Being A Man is what it's all about.

I'm not going to argue that males have it worse -- for one thing, I don't have the gut-level experience of what it's like to be female. But it often feels like females in today's world have at least a little more room to be individuals. Or at least more a more diverse selection of same-gender role models.

"Oh, she's a harmless girl, no need to pay attention to what she's doing" game.

I do love that game. Gotten many a guy some pain because of it. Beauty, breasts, fluttering (I initially typed "sluttering", which is a whole different game that I do NOT play) eyelashes, or just XX chromosomes--sometimes being underestimated works to your advantage.

It's easier to be a chick that beats people up than a guy that cries.

Sigh. It took me almost half an hour to write what I just wrote. And ita says it just as well in 15 words.

I've never been good at exploiting my looks to get what I want. Maybe I don't try hard enough? At any rate, I've gotten much further in life based on creating the perception that I'm competent than the perception that I'm attractive.

It's easier to be a chick that beats people up than a guy that cries.

The thing with privilege, it doesn't just go one way. Which I think people (including me) often fail to acknowledge or remember all o the time.

I really enjoyed reading Norah VIncent's Self-Made Man. The upshot was that men and women get screwed by gender norms, big time.

And while there are a lot of times I really *want* to believe that women have it harder in the gender-norm-oppression olympics, I don't actually think we do. I think it sucks on both sides, equally. Not in the same ways, obviously, but still an equal amount of suckitude. t edit Or, what Cass said.

I don't think it's easier on guys.

But I see the feminist men in my life, and some of the feminist women, and I'm so proud and happy to have them in my life.

The thing with privilege, it doesn't just go one way. Which I think people (including me) often fail to acknowledge or remember all o the time.

What Cass said. And what Teppy said.

I've never been able to exploit my looks either-- despite the fact that I'm only 5'2", I don't give off any kind of a dainty, helpless vibe.

Not to mention the "come too close and I'll cut you," vibe that I apparently put off.

But speaking of looks and impressions, I experienced probably one of the most surreal conversations yesterday on Facebook with an old college friend. Another mutual friend of ours had unearthed several college era photos, including one of me getting ready for our band banquet, standing in front of a mirror, putting the finishing touches on my makeup, in full 80s taffeta & Southern Permed Big Haired glory (or lack thereof).

Anyhow, this friend said that that photograph and by extension, me, had apparently been the subject of a recent conversation among several of our old group. The gist was that most people twenty-plus years on went either one of two ways: either the youthful looks deepened and got a bit better or everything went to hell with the weight gain and aging, etc. Then he said, "Yeah, we all agreed that you'd skipped past all that and gone straight to OMG, hawt!"

Which left me absolutely stunned and spluttering.

He added, "Not a one of us would have ever guessed that you would have turned out the way you have. You are just so much more stunningly beautiful than you were in college."

(He never did know when to quit, bless his heart.)

Still, it's a startling thing to hear because I've lived so much of my life as homely/ordinary that I wouldn't even begin to know how to take advantage of beauty.

That's awesome, Barb. And Cass and Teppy are both pretty damn wise.

I really get Zen's off and on switch--that's exactly what it's like. It's sort of uncanny to stand outside yourself and watch that performance. I've always had huge imposter syndrome issues, and had trouble convincing myself I was competent, but managed to convice others, again through performance. I had a co-worker, who had himself an appearance and reputation as formidable, tell me people were "afraid" of me, that I could be intimidating.

Really? Me? Huh. Actually, that explains some stuff.

Fred, I understand about being a nice guy, too. I raised two of them. One, with some coaching from ma, learned about performance and decided to fake it till he made it. It was tough, but he did manage to walk a line between total butthead and so sympathetic everyone took advantage. StY was less successful at it, he sought the protective coloration of comedy, with some success. His ADHD on top of being Uber Nice Guy has always been a big handicap, though, and he's never achieved the contentment I believe he deserves. Nice Guys really don't finish first.