I made the mistake of mentioning John Gottman's ability to predict marriage failure based on the presence of contempt in the relationship. The fellow ran with that and now, I'm trying to show him how he can replace his contemptuous language (learned from his parents) with more honest, productive language.

The what now? This reads to me like he heard this and started using more contemptuous language. Is that right?

I was wondering that, too.

The detroit airport has a psychedelic tunnel. I'd forgotten about that.

I love that tunnel madly. Not just for the trippy light show, but for the spacey Tangerine Dream-esque music that accompanies it.

Smonster, I'm so sorry. You did what you could.

That is super hard smonster, but you did the right thing. And it's not the breed's fault that many of them are in fact bred for fighting and aggression, but it's definitely possible that the one you picked up was. So you absolutely made the right decision, difficult as it was.

In other positive strangers doing for animals news, my neighborhood is so tiny we don't have a gas station, or any recognizable brand stores. What we do have is the Silver Creek General Store. And it is. You can buy vinegar in mass quantities, or bait, or tire chains. Pretty much any item you might actually need, they sell. At a premium for the convenience, but so worth it. We support them heartily. Without them, it's a half hour drive for anything.

Anyway, yesterday when I went (to pick up butter and cheese) they were in the midst of trapping and transporting cats. "What's all this?" I asked. "Oh," they said, "We love feral cats, but we don't love feral kitties." So they were trapping the four or five feral cats that live there, and transporting to the vet to be spayed and neutered. They were going to bring them back and release them, but they would no longer be generating more.

I was so pleased to see them acting responsibly beyond their obligations.

Was he trying to make his marriage fail?

The short answer is yes. Mostly because there is a story about marriage being chaotic and awful. The trick is to change the expectation. If he leaves the marriage, I want it to be because he has thought it through and made a rational choice. Blowing it up because he doesn't know how to NOT blow it up, isn't acceptable.

That's cool, Liese. Good on them.

IOmememeN, I would be money ahead to throw my tax refund at my 8.5% car loan, rather that at the hospital bills, for which I have already arranged a payment schedule and as far as I know carries no interest, wouldn't I?

If he leaves the marriage, I want it to be because he has thought it through and made a rational choice. Blowing it up because he doesn't know how to NOT blow it up, isn't acceptable.

I love that wisdom.

Just doing a PhD and teaching.

Is that like pushing up daisies?

Actually, yes.

Love the story of the store-owners and the feral cats!

Blowing it up because he doesn't know how to NOT blow it up, isn't acceptable.

It seems to me that there's a potentially good difference between NOT knowing how to not blow up his marriage, versus deliberately being an asshole with full knowledge that he could do otherwise.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, he doesn't sound like an easy client, but one who can potentially be helped. It's good he's come to you, bonny.

It seems to me that there's a potentially good difference between NOT knowing how to not blow up his marriage, versus deliberately being an asshole with full knowledge that he could do otherwise.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, he doesn't sound like an easy client, but one who can potentially be helped. It's good he's come to you, bonny.

What you say is true. In this case, I have total confidence that he isn't actually an asshole. He is a good guy who acts like an ass when he feels persecuted...which is too often.

I'm glad he is coming to me too. He came via referral by a fellow who had similar issues and is now 'cured.' So, I'm hopeful.

I need to get over myself. I'm pretty stressed about all the stuff that needs to be done before the auction, and I asked a fellow organizer to do one thing for me yesterday, and she did not. And I have done the bulk of the solicitations for the silent auction, and I really need to get off my ass and go walk down the main drag hitting places up and dropping off fliers, and I'm feeling cranky and put upon.

I mean, this was my idea, and I haven't been as proactive about asking for help as I could be, but I wish I'd gotten a little more help in the solicitation department. Also, me being me, I really hate doing shit by myself and would like some company.

Whatever. I'm just venting. Need to get off ass and get dressed and get out the door, and it will all be fine.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Bitches thread.