and i kind of worry that this new way of "being me" is pretty much permanent.

I can guarantee that is not true. First of all, people aren't that immutable. Second of all, you in particular are fairly mercurial.

Aw, Sean--depression is a liar. I know that doesn't help when you are in the middle of it, but the world it shows to you is not the real world. In the real world, your friends value you and care about you, even if you can't value yourself right now.

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you, Sean. Although I think not. I just like "Catch-22". Dear OKC Guy, who offered to let me grope him in his car, Dude, you better look like Don Draper and make deals like Ari Gold to get by with that. Also, you don't know what "modest" means, either by word or by nature. And I don't care what Mystery taught you...women don't secretly dig that from strangers. At least, this one doesn't. Unless your last name is "Emanuel", shut the fuck up.(Yes, I admit it...that whole family could totally trash-talk me and I'd think it was hot instead of assholey, but they have powers. Project managers from Mesa, nsm.) And then, there was the television-obsessed asexual with low self-esteem from last week...take "lusting in my heart" out of the equation and it sounds like I already have one of those, without the annoying and useless hose attachment.

sigh...this was supposed to be the best year of my life or I was going to kill myself. Holy Retcon, Batman.

Frank, ~ma to your nephew.

We are just done with our new year's dinner, and it was a very nice one. L'shana tova, all!

Shir, it's unlikely, but would that have anything to do with the Jewish story about the man whose rabbi advises him to move his goats into his house? The Girl likes that story. When we get overwhelmed, we talk about "too many goats."

As you wrote, I think it's unlikely. More likely, it was an advertising campaign that invented that slogan few years back. And that story is a definitive story of Jewish humor.

Are they pronounced differently?

Almost unheard difference for a stranger.

Shir, congratulations on the DJ gig. How cool.

It is, but it's still not 100% that I'll get it. I just was invited to do a pilot. Thank you, anyway. I'm sure that will bring all of the boys to my backyard. Mmm. Might need to get an attack god to handle these boys.

I don't believe anybody really likes me or is being honest with me

Well, I like you and I've got no tact whatsoever, so I think you can trust me on this one.

Edit; erika, do you think you can mail this guy over here? I'd like to kick him a little bit for disrespecting a friend. Thanks.

I've got some tamari in my fridge, the label says "wheat free soy sauce: but I don't know if that is generically true for tamari or particular to this brand/bottle.

{{{Sean}}} That sounds very hard to deal with. I hope you can find your way believing that people don't want to hurt you.

Well, I like you and I've got no tact whatsoever, so I think you can trust me on this one.

See, Sean, you can take consolation that we don't give a fuck about being fake-nice. If we didn't like you, then you wouldn't have to wonder about it.

and i kind of worry that this new way of "being me" is pretty much permanent.

Oh, honey. I don't know what shittastic stuff happened over the past year (and I don't need to), but frankly, your reaction sounds normal. Betrayal is evil and perception-shattering.

That said, I agree with Hec that people aren't immutable. I *do* think that you should be however you need to be in order to heal. I also know that healing doesn't happen quickly.

But I think your nature isn't set in stone. Or doesn't have to be.

Nope, I had it backwards - tamari is the wheat-free version, shoyu is wheat and soy. But as with most things, the labeling in the States is unregulated so a lot of things labeled "tamari" actually aren't.

Thanks, Shir. I thought it would be fun, since this guy said he was hot and and had a great job, blah blah, to write back "and modest, too. :)) to cover up "Then why are you messaging me on your lunch break?" I...think we know. And it's not because I'm breathtakingly awesome.

Sean, I like you, but mostly because you can get me into the Dali exhibit for free. (It was nice to have your virtual presence at the Seattle F2F.)