When I was a kid, people always told me I was shy, and then a teacher told me that shyness was just arrogance, because I expected people to be paying attention to me, so I interacted more after that. Which, obviously I was not shy, just introverted, and the teacher was a bitch.
Ew. Yeah. I have a severe fear that people don't actually like me or want to be around me, so asking people if they want to do things with me is almost undoable. I'm also afraid that people who I don't know very well, and who I am hanging out with for the first few times I am convinced I am irritating them.
A friend of mine (also a teacher) said it was arrogance. And, I'm pretty sure it's the opposite. Did some pop psychologist start a thing where shyness is arrogance?
A friend of mine (also a teacher) said it was arrogance. And, I'm pretty sure it's the opposite. Did some pop psychologist start a thing where shyness is arrogance?
And if so, would it be arrogant to suggest shy people hit him or her with sticks?
I always come out Extravert on the MBTI, and really, I probably am. But not strongly; I often have to leave big parties to sit by myself for a few minutes before diving back in.
I think most everyone is on the spectrum, so while Jilli's an extravert, she's not a strong enough one to never need quiet alone-time to recharge.
Worrying that people don't want to be around you sounds exactly like insecurity to me. Worrying that they are judging you every time you open your mouth--especially in a group--is a form of arrogance, I think. It makes the dynamic all about YOU and how YOU sound, when it's really just a bunch of people with the same wish not to make fools of themselves. You are not speaking to protect yourself from sounding foolish, and leaving others to fill the gaps.
It doesn't mean I don't feel that myself plenty of times, but it can be seen as a form of arrogance.
It comes from a very, "I'm sure they have stuff that's better/more important/more fun than going to dinner/seeing a movie/grabbing a drink with me." I'm pretty sure that's the opposite.
But after a weekend (since Thursday night) where he longest I was alone was one streetcar ride to and from lunch on Friday? The only thing I miss is my bed, not alone time.
OMG. I would totally need to crawl in a hole far far away from The People for a week after that. I'm not even sure I would make it through the whole weekend. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't.
Worrying that they are judging you every time you open your mouth--especially in a group--is a form of arrogance, I think. It makes the dynamic all about YOU and how YOU sound
It's narcissistic to think everyone is concerned about what YOU are doing all the time. That's for sure. But that's not being shy.
Me too, and my psychologist friend says that's what makes me an introvert, not how you act, but how you recharge.
Huh. Really? Because in no universe would I describe myself as an introvert. I just also need time to myself every now and then.
There's probably a continuum. I mean, 24 Hour Party People is only a movie.
Worrying that they are judging you every time you open your mouth--especially in a group--is a form of arrogance, I think. It makes the dynamic all about YOU and how YOU sound
Oooh, ouch. That hits a little too close to home. (And I don't mean that in a "How DARE Scrappy say that?!?" way; I mean it in a, "Huh, maybe I need to engage in a little self-reflection" way.)
I have a severe fear that people don't actually like me or want to be around me, so asking people if they want to do things with me is almost undoable. I'm also afraid that people who I don't know very well, and who I am hanging out with for the first few times I am convinced I am irritating them.
Hey, we're the same person today!
It comes from a very, "I'm sure they have stuff that's better/more important/more fun than going to dinner/seeing a movie/grabbing a drink with me."
Yep!
