skimmed again...

smonster, I'm glad Angry Girl is doing better! Somehow I've become invested in her progress. I'm probably projecting my worry about my niece.

everyone take care of yourselves!

points at Daniel REST. I know from back pain, dude. Don't fuck with it; it's mean as shit and carries a grudge.

I am definitely an introvert, and while I can be outgoing, I do often share too much; I do have boundaries, but they are invisible to the naked eye. I don't know that I have shields, per se. I think my shield is the persona I developed when I was stripdancing. You can't make any money or have any fun as a stripper if you're shy! For some reason, I really wanted to be a successful stripper, and from my first turn on stage, I loved it; I felt like I could let loose a part of me that I'd always suppressed whenever I was "in costume" (even if "costume" = naked). I was "Shannon", a loud, funny, drunk, fearless, sexy bitch, and Shannon was me, just a different version of me. Now, whenever I'm with a bunch of people and being all gregarious, that's Shannon, even if I'm not in costume (or, y'know, naked). When I run out of energy for Shannon, I go somewhere I can be alone - bathroom, stairwell, balcony, patio - until I recharge, then I come back. Either no one noticed I was gone, or someone cries "Where were you?!" and I'm all coy and don't quite answer, because by then I'm flushed from alcohol and my hair has messed itself up, so they'll just think I was making out with someone.

finding excuses not to go because he absolutely cannot handle unpleasant emotions.

This is likely very true. And I give a lot of slack to people who really are running away from their emotions that they can't handle. But there are also minimum societal requirements and it would be nicer if he'd try too. Grief and the fear of feeling grief are very powerful though.

I was unable to get to my sister's funeral.

I'm sorry Connie, I don't mean to imply by association that you're a bad person in any way.

This is all coming after a lifetime of disappointments. It's like the icing on the cake. There was the not helping me plan our mother's funeral when I was eighteen, or not going to check on our dad in Miami (when he lived down the street and worked 20 mins. away) when I called to say that I was worried that he didn't pick up the phone that morning (we talked on the phone every day) and he didn't go by until 9:00 that night and he was dead. Or "forgetting" to pick up my dad's ashes from the university med school for so long when my dad had had his body donated, that they scattered them at sea so we couldn't bury them with our mom. Or just being shitty pet owner--having a string of pets die young due to neglect. Or just a hundred little things over the years.

The reason why we made the joke in the first place is because we half-expected it. But I know there are legitimate reasons why people can't make it to funerals. I'm just letting out a lifetime's worth of frustration, which probably isn't fair to him. We're all going through a rough time.

I'm sorry Connie, I don't mean to imply by association that you're a bad person in any way.

What amyth said. I was not trying to imply anything bad, Connie. I remember that and never felt you were a bad person or a bad sister.

To me there is a world of difference between being able to go and choosing not to because you have work meetings that you'd rather go to instead and either not being able to go or not wanting to.

There are a lot of reasons people wouldn't go that I'd have no problem with but, "eh, it'd be more convenient for my career and I could totally get the time off but..." isn't one that resonates with me.

I was unable to get to my sister's funeral.

Connie, I don't want to speak for amyth, but when your sister died, I don't remember you ever saying or implying that her death was a poorly timed inconvenience to your busy life. But amyth's brother, in the conversation she shared, did unfortunately come across as sounding like their brother's death/funeral would be a big inconvenience to his career.

I don't see any similarity between your situation and his at all.

amyth, I'm sorry if I put words in your mouth, and please tell me if I was wrongheaded.

Hey, you know, this powerpoint won't read itself!!

{{{amyth}}}

Here is my late evening dilemma. I'm tired. But, I don't have to get up early in the morning.

Do I

a) take a warm bath and continue listening the the sequel to Bram Stoker's Dracula written my his great-grandnephew

This will mean that I do not get to bed until midnite and my hair will be all funky in the morning. Or,

b) take a hot shower and curl up with that werewolf novel I am about 2/3 through.

This will mean getting to bed earlier, but possibly reading later.

Setting aside bathing choice squicks, what would you do?

Setting aside bathing choice squicks, what would you do?

I don't know how to do that. I always choose bath given a decent bathtub. And I also choose vampires over werewolves, but baths over showers are ranked higher.

Um, bath and vampire, clearly? I mean, the hair thing won't matter because you don't have an early morning.

Oh, and at the risk of having just been terribly rude, I have been following the funeral conversation and agree with Steph completely, Connie. When you sister died, you expressed a great deal of thought and concern about that experience that in no way correlates with the current situation.